This is a one-off post asking for help for my son. My son, James, was born deaf in both ears. He received cochlear implants at 9 months old. He now needs replacement devices because his N7s are unreliable, have been out of warranty for over a year, and are no longer supported by the maker, Cochlear America.

The audiologist has no spare parts, and Cochlear America is out of network with our insurance. We were encouraged to place an order for the new kits so Cochlear America can start the 2-month negotiations with our insurance. According to my conversations with our insurance company, if they cover the devices, we would still need to pay $7000.

I am looking for funding, grants, or help to get my son the replacement Cochlear devices he needs, but since those have been a dead end (I have a list of what we have done on the bottom of this post), I have started a GoFundMe. Can you help us?

What I ask is that you read the GoFundMe, consider giving, share the GoFundMe on your social media, and pray for us.

I don’t want to ever ask for help like this again, so we are looking for ways to put away money for the next time. When he first received the cochlear implants, the out-of-pocket and deductible on our insurance wasn’t huge. I had received an inheritance from my grandmother that we used to cover it. We are now living in a different state with different regulations and with different insurance. This amount caught us by surprise.

Go Fund Me

Here are some of the charities and grants we have researched and emailed so far:

• Wyoming Hands and Voices (WYCHAP) - only provides funds for hearing aids

• Sunshine Cottage - supports students in their program in San Antonio

• Listen to Me! Baker’s Institute - provides new implants for children under 5 years old ( James is 6 years old) for residents of California and Hawaii

• The school district - does not provide hearing aids or CIs

• The Hospital - not helpful

• One22 in Jackson (the community fund) - does not help with medical

• The Lion’s Club International - helping us search for funds

• EasterSeal - none in the area and can’t help

• Help America Hear (HAH) program - only provides hearing aids (not CIs) for those earning less than $36000 per year

• (Foundation for Sight and Sound) - emailed them, but they have the same requirements as HAH above.

• Sertoma - none near us

• American Cochlear Implant Alliance - educational, not a financial resource

• Americans for Better Hearing Foundation - for Illinois residents

• Better Hearing Institute - an association for hearing aid makers that promotes education

• Campaign for Better Hearing - pays for free hearing tests

• Hearing Loss Association of America - for older adults to get hearing aids

• Jacob’s Ride for Hearing (Cochlear) - help with cochlear implant surgery

• Miracle Ear Foundation - provides hearing aids for low-income individuals

• National Center for Hearing Assessment and Management - education and hearing aid loaners

• ASHA - an association for speech therapists, education

• The HIKE Fund (Kids)Travelers Protective Association of America - downloaded an application with them, but they only cover up to $1000 for low-income families. We are not considered low-income on the national scale, but more than half of our income goes to rent.

• Oracle Health Foundation (Kids) - the grant will only cover it if the insurance denies the claim. $17,000 maximum. Will wait to see what the insurance says and if we cannot get a kit from below.

• Alexander Graham Bell Association - they do not pay for cochlear implants

• Wyoming Institute for Disabilities - a college program with scholarships, not for medical equipment

• Uplift.org - for mental, emotional, or behavioral health, not CIs

• The National Hearing Aid Project - low-income hearing aids

• Cochlear Implant Awareness Foundation - I am currently emailing them about our situation. (They have upgrade kits for $800 each, if they have any available)

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Change. It’s Part of the Adventure!

I am moving most of my online presence to Substack, but why? When my family moved to Wyoming for my husband’s job, I discovered that my old way of doing business no longer worked. I needed to make a change:

1. Why now?

In October 2016, I published my first novel, Gryphendale. I had worked all of my adult life as a graphic designer, so I expected immediate success. Oh! I learned so much since then. One of those things is that books don’t sell themselves. Even though I had a log since 2011, I had to go out and meet readers. I had tried to do most of my sales online, but most of my books still sold to people I met in person. In 2021, I started to do book signings, Comic-Cons, and school fairs. I discovered a hungry audience who wanted good books, but were not motivated to dig around the internet. Now that I am in Wyoming, the least populous state in the US, those opportunities to meet people have disappeared. I am now having to go back online. This time, I want to do things differently.

2. Why here?

With all my in-person events, I have had many people sign up for my quarterly newsletter. At first, I tried email, but that quickly got blocked for too many addresses. Then I moved to MailChimp, but they started charging money once I reached a certain number of subscribers. I don’t make any money off my emails. So, I moved to Mailerlite, but they also limit the growth of subscribers. What I wanted was a place to have both my website and my newsletter without unreasonable fees. I know everyone thinks that a person becomes a millionaire as soon as they publish a book, but that is very untrue. I write because I love it, not because it pays bills.

3. What’s the plan?

Currently, I am just moving my free quarterly newsletter to Substack and meeting some like-minded people. I got off social media years ago, so I am not looking to replace that here.

In the near future, I am going to create a serialized publication called “The Gryphon’s Inner Dale” for my Gryphendale stories. Every Tuesday, I plan on emailing 2000-word chapters starting with the oldest stories of the Gryphendale timeline through to the most modern. New writing will be mixed with short stories and my published novels to create a smooth narrative of the world with separate adventures for various characters. Each email will end with a short commentary about the history of inspiration for aspects of the story. I hope to make it easy for people to join at any point. All old posts will be freely available to subscribers to enjoy if they missed anything.

I have the stories behind a paywall because I do not want to break my promises to those who subscribed to my free quarterly newsletter and start flooding their email with things they did not sign up for. I have also sent out a survey of what everyone wanted to celebrate the 10-year anniversary of Gryphendale’s publication. I think this might be the best solution. Also, having the small monthly support will allow me to focus more time on writing rather than just marketing books. Writing has been my dream since childhood, not internet algorithms.

4. When will the weekly stories start?

The email stories, starting with an introduction to the world of Gryphendale, will begin on October 6, 2026. Currently, I am starting to write, format, and illustrate the stories to get ahead. I am also learning Substack and still making decisions on whether I will move my non-fiction (book reviews and devotionals) website here, too. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you will join me on my journey!

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From the time I was a little girl, I made up fairy tales and told stories. I would create scripts for my brother, friends, and cousins to act out. When I babysat, I would tell stories about why a certain plant had heart-shaped leaves. I made up games about Santa Claus living in my Grandmother’s locked office during Christmas time. I won an award in first grade for a little book that I illustrated. Honestly, I have never run out of ideas. I have a binder of stories and poems I wrote as a child.

You can read in other places why I didn’t become a professional writer until after my son was born, but his birth was so full of trauma that all my reservations melted away. Throughout my life, and especially then, I turned to the one thing that was my biggest stress reliever: books.

First, I read constantly, but then my old storytelling nature demanded to be heard. I wrote as a release. My emotions poured out in my fictional fantasy world. I gave myself an escape. After a while, it also gave me a place to work out many questions about pain and suffering. Finally, it ended up being about hope.

The Christian in me at that time would have been compelled to say I wrote for the glory of God or to minister to the lost, but my books have never been allegories. They are Christian because I am a Christian. I see the world monotheistically. I see a purpose for our lives. I can’t write a world that doesn’t make sense to me, but these books don’t hold the salvation message.

To be honest, I didn’t start out writing for the glory of God. I’m too selfish a creature for that. In fact, I wasn’t originally sure that I would even publish my first book. I wrote because I need to be encouraged that everything would work out all right. I needed hope. Most of the books I read lacked this hope, and there was a feeling of nihilism and despair that made heroes do questionable things and optimistic characters turn into cynics.

It took me ten years to finish my first book and publish it. As I worked on it, I discovered I wasn’t the only one who needed hope. I met teens and young adults who dealt with crippling anxiety and depression. I met people with disabilities who had been told their whole lives that they couldn’t do anything or become anything. I noticed a whole bunch of angry, despairing people. These people needed stories they could connect with that spoke to their hearts and emotions in the way C.S. Lewis and Tolkien had described.

C.S. Lewis, Tolkien, and the Inklings believed that fictional stories helped us see the world in a different way than we are capable of when just dealing with the here and now. A fairy tale encourages us to dream and ask “what if?” A hero or heroine who we relate to can bring us through the path of trial and despair to the other side. The message we tell ourselves that “nothing will change” is turned around to “there is a purpose.” We begin to imagine ourselves overcoming giants and dragons. That optimistic emotion subconsciously starts to see our real trials in the light of these tales.

So, the long answer to this question is that I want to lift the spirit of the down-hearted, bring joy and hope to the depressed, and courage to the anxious.

In every one of my books, there is a creator God. I can’t write about hope without writing God in there. I can’t see a purpose in our lives without a divine hand and a cosmic plan. I can’t have an ordinary character defeat all odds by their own strength of will. Life doesn’t work that way. I believe in being an honest writer. In being honest about myself and humanity, I see that we are very flawed, weak, and selfish. We need help.

Even so, I also don’t see God swooping in and making everything perfect. Hardly. What I see in life is that the struggle is part of the plan. The trial makes the hero stronger. The power to overcome happens when we let go of ourselves and become what we were created to be from the beginning. In short, we have to be reconciled to God before we stop digging ourselves into a deeper hole or get trapped by the hole another dug for us. Hope only comes when we seek help from another source than ourselves, a bigger source than our problems, and a divine source.

So, even though I write to give hope and not for the glory of God, my hope’s name is Jesus Christ. He may be hidden in the pages of my books, but he is there, sure enough.

Why do I write?

I write because this is what I was created to do from the very beginning. I was created for a purpose. I was created to give hope. Therefore, I write so that you might smile, feel a little better, and believe that perhaps you too can be the hero of your own fairy tale.

It turns out that the National Museum of Wildlife Art was equal to many museums in the biggest cities of the world. Housed in a building modeled after a Scottish castle, the elegant collection of mostly American artists ranges in age from early native American pottery to excellent modern paintings. There is most definitely much for the adult art enthusiast to enjoy, but children are also engaged with a scavenger hunt, story time, and a children’s discovery area. Once finished inside, visitors can walk a trail of sculptures outside.

My 2 year old daughter said hello to all the animals in the painting and made the animal noises. My youngest son was fascinated by the dates to the art pieces. Both of them loved the scavenger hunt and the little prize at the end. My teenage son was reluctant to go, but loved the relief of the Georgia O'Keeffe painting for the blind and the audio that went with it. I think that the next time we come we might do the audio tour. I really wish that I could have slowed my children down enough to read the signs.

The museum restaurant has high praise from reviewers, but we could not eat there because my children are far too picky for their menu (they lacked French fries). Even so, it looked very luxurious with a great view of the Teton National Park and the Elk preserve.

The gift shop has cute and unique items of high quality that you won’t find easily anywhere else in Jackson. We bought some animal shaped cookie cutters and coasters.

We spent 2 hours there and did not see everything. It would have been easy to have been there longer, but we didn't have the stamina as a family. My little ones are only really able to be anywhere for only about 2 hours before getting squirrelly.

I highly recommend this museum if you ever come this way for the national parks or the skiing.

Anyone who knows me knows I research ALOT and yet still manage to do things the hard way. Moving fro San Antonio, Texas to Jackson, Wyoming has been no different. Why? Because for some odd reason I refuse to do anything the way anyone in their right mind would do it. So here it me guide to moving the hard way:

1. Sell your current house while still living in it with 3 kids, an absent-minded professor, and a cat suffering from environmental allergies.

2. Stage your house like a magazine which then requires you to pick-up clutter every waking moment and repack-away the kitchen or remake all the beds a zillion times a day.

3. Pack for your move while trying to keep your house perfect.

4. Store all boxes in the garage with the only vehicle you own so that you can barely get in and out of the vehicle with the kids.

5. Schedule your mover's pick-up day, your 3-day drive, the first day of work at your new job, the closing on the sale of your house, and the delivery of your belongings as close to each other as posible. What could ever go wrong?

6. Instead of packing so many boxes a day that you feel like crying, pack only four boxes a day. Of course, this means it will take you a month to pack a three-bedroom house, but quick and easy, this guide is not.

7. Buy the cheapest tape you can, and then practically laminate your boxes. Not only will your boxes be impossible to open without a box-cutter, they will also be nearly waterproof! (not really, but it seems like it should be)

8. Ignore all advice to put things in garbage bags. Garbage bags don't stack. Everything that can fit in a box should go in a box so you can make Minecraft style stacks of boxes all over the house!

9. Do not buy wardrobe boxes. All the clothes ends up rumpled on the bottom of the box when you unpack anyway. Take your clothes off the hangers and roll them up like you are packing a suitcase (the way you SHOULD pack a suitcase!) and put them in a box. Neatly stack your hangers and put them in another box with pillows and other stuffed around them. This will ensure that you touch every item of clothing and decide to donate half of it so you don't have to pack it the stuff you hate anyways.

10. Buy as many book boxes as you possible can for your stuff so you can stack them in tidy Minecraft mountains (see above). Use larger boxes, mirror boxes and such when necessary, but minimally.

11. Rush out and buy all the organizing stuff that you had meant to buy for years and organize your life as you pack.

12. Store most of the kids't toys in plastic tubs so you can unpack and repack them daily. This does not count towards your four-a-day box-packing quota. It does save some tears, though... the kids's tears I mean... not necessarily yours.

13. Use colored room labels and colored masking tape to label what room the boxes go in and permanate marker to write on the box top what is in the box. Then have a master list that you can post by the front door of what room each box color goes in so that when everyone refuses to look at the labels and asks you where the boxes go on moving day, you will be able to answer repetitively while entertaining three kids and keeping them out of the way.

14. Hire a big-name mover because you think they know what they are doing, but still end up with 10% of your inventory missing or broken.

15. And finally… discover that you will be living in the most beautiful place you have ever seen!

“Wake up, Eve. It's Tuesday, and this is your third alarm,” said the tenor voice from Eve’s wristwatch.

“Alright. Gnat, I’m up. Turn off the next two alarms,” said the dark-haired woman in her early thirties as she threw off the pristine white sheets and blanket.

“Is your pillow as hard as a rock? Try our soft billow-pillow, a light sleep solution for your dreamtime needs,” a deep masculine voice continued. The stream of commercials and advertisements had been softly playing all night long.

Eve rolled out of bed and walked to the tiny bathroom in her studio apartment. Lights in the apartment turned on as she transitioned to a new area of the box-shaped living quarters. The bed hummed as it rolled into the wall. It was followed by churning mechanical sounds as the sheets, pillows, and blankets were being removed and replaced so she would have a made-up bed to sleep in that night. After using the toilet that tried to sell her perfumed flushable wipes, Eve walked over to the mirror and sink. A series of advertising videos flashed onto the mirror and played over the main streaming commercials as she washed her hands.

“For a fresh-smelling bathroom, try the energizing scent of oranges in a summer breeze.”

“Gnat, turn off the videos and bring up just the mirror.”

The ads disappeared, revealing the reflective glass bordered by static ads all around the perimeter. The primary streaming audio, though, continued on. Eve reached for the electric toothbrush, which immediately turned on with a loud whirl, making her jump. She shifted her fingers on the handle, and it turned off again. She placed the toothbrush under the sink, which automatically wetted it, and applied toothpaste from the touchless dispenser. 

“You are almost out of toothpaste. Do you want me to order more?” her watch asked, interrupting the commercials as she brushed her teeth. “Would you like to try Sparky’s Teeth-Shiner polishing paste, a refreshing experience in every brush?”

“Yes,” she said after she rinsed her mouth. “Order it.”

“Order confirmed,” said the watch. The commercials continued, “To look truly beautiful, our teeth whitening cream is a no-risk investment.”

Eve turned to the closet next to the sink and stepped closer to the white doors. The closet made clicking and grinding noises before a thin door opened, sliding out a sky-blue blouse and black pants hung on two metal bars. The matching black shoes slid out on a tray below them.

“Those pants don’t fit me,” said Eve with a scowl. “I thought I told you to destroy them.”

The trousers slid back into the closet.

“Verify destroying trousers,” said the closet.

“Do it,” growled Eve.

“Destroying trousers is verified,” said the closet.

“Gnat, give me my black skirt,” said Eve.

“Black skit not found,” said the closet.

“What? That was my favorite! What happened to it?”

“Black skirt was destroyed.”

“You stupid machine!” cried Eve. “You destroyed my skirt instead of the pants!”

Eve took her fist and pounded the closet door. Nothing happened. She growled and called the machine names, but again, nothing happened. 

“Try our new synthetic fabric in your favorite color for a truly flattering skirt.”

Eve sighed.

“Give me my brown pants,” she demanded.

“The brown pants are programmed to go with your Thursday outfit.”

“Cancel that program and give me my pants!”

“Program canceled,” said the closet as it made more clinking and grinding sounds before spitting out her pants on another metal rod. It automatically took back the black shoes and slid out the brown ones. 

Eve put on her clothes, returned to the mirror, ordered the advertising videos off again, brushed her shoulder-length hair, and walked five yards to the small kitchen. She placed her mug into the coffeemaker, which made gurgling and hissing sounds.

“You are almost out of coffee. Do you want to order more?” the coffee maker asked. Then, music advertising real earth-grown coffee played.

“No, because I have to buy new pants or a skirt now,” said Eve as she took her coffee and turned to the fridge. “Breakfast.”

The fridge made a humming noise, followed by clicking and pouring sounds. It then dispensed a bowl with yogurt, granola, and blueberries. 

“You are out of blueberries,” said the refrigerator, “Would you like to order more? Try our organic, hand-picked berries from the Big Berry Botanical Farms.”

Eve signed. “Gnat, how much money do I have in the bank account?” 

“Two hundred international credits,” her watch replied. “Would you be interested in applying for a credit card with a low-interest rate?”

Eve sighed again and replied, “Blueberries are more expensive than pants. Don’t order the berries. Change my breakfast program to just yogurt and granola.”

“Program changed,” said the refrigerator.

Eve ate her breakfast at the only chair in the apartment and a little round table in the area that connected her bedroom to the kitchen. She reached for her black work bag lying on the table.

“Reminder: Finish report before Tuesday’s meeting,” said the bag. “Reminder: You have a dentist's appointment on Friday. Have you thought of trying the beautiful perfume by…” The bag continued playing three commercials.

“Gnat, you were supposed to remind me of that report last night!” Eve cried. “Why can’t you get AM and PM right? Now, it might be too late!”

She choked down the rest of her breakfast and took her coffee with her out the front door, to the elevator, and down to the parking garage.

“Gnat, where is my car?”

“To your left, all the way to the end,” said her watch.

She walked past rows of bright-colored vehicles in all sorts of odd shapes with unique patterns. They were one of the easiest things to personalize. The car's programming allowed you to download any look you wanted for your ride. Eve approached a plain white oval car, and she heard the clicks for it to unlock. The door slid up to open. It had two seats in the rare chance she ever went out with a friend or had a date. The dashboard turned on with a commercial for an oil change. The inside lights flashed as she sat down, putting her coffee in the cup holder.

“Hi, Eve,” said the car. “You are running late for work. Are we going to the office today?” 

“Yes,” said Eve as she tapped the dashboard screen to begin working on her late report. “Please avoid the traffic.”

“Alright. Why don’t you try the new business coffee saver cup? It is completely spill-proof and will keep your coffee warm all day.” 

The car's door slid closed, and it lifted from the ground by a foot. It then pulled out from the parking spot and navigated around the parking garage. Eve paid little attention to the vehicle's movement as she typed in the data from her latest research so that the AI writer would autogenerate a twelve-page report. She typed in the last of her data as the car took the highway out of town to the city where her office was located. 

The bridge over the White Wolf Nature Preserve allowed her to see the tops of the dense pine forest. Nature preserves were completely off-limits to visitors because of the desperate efforts to restore endangered species and to control the declining livability of old cities. The new city plans had businesses zoned only in the city centers that were surrounded by forests. Everyone lived in massive apartment towns and commuted to the cities by highway to work. Thick forests also surrounded these towns to offset the pollution created by human wastefulness. To keep these forests safe from damage, no one was allowed to visit or camp in these areas. The plan was a huge success and revolutionized the environment. As the human population continued to decline, the combination of technology and segregating humanity into specific zones provided the optimal concentration of commerce to provide for everyone’s physical needs.

Eve stared out the window as her AI-generated paper was being populated with text on the car’s dashboard. It would immediately be saved to the Nebula so that all her devices could access it, including the omnipresent General Neuro-synchronized Autonomous Technology, or GNAT. At work, she would invite her boss to approve of the paper before it would be unlocked for the rest of the company. 

The car continued to stream commercials and advertisements as it drove down the crowded highway. On her current data plan, she could only afford to have two hours of music streaming time and one hour of silence. The rest of her day was filled with commercials to offset the low price. She typically saved the music for when she was home after work, and the one hour of silence for the only hour in the day she was in the same room as another human being, lunchbreak. 

It was the law for workers to have an hour's lunch break away from their offices. Corporations had decided that they would force everyone to eat together to get to know each other and create a homogenous work environment. What it really meant was that Eve wasted her hour of silence uncomfortably trying to have verbal conversations with people she knew mostly from her team’s social media app. Without that hour of silence, there was no point in going out to meet people after work, not that anyone did that anymore.

She spotted the city ahead just as her report finished being populated and saved.

The whole car lurched. Then, there was a grinding and another lurch. Her seatbelt immediately strapped her into her chair.

“Gnat, what’s going on?” asked Eve, trying to contain the sloshing coffee.

“We are experiencing a malfunction in the right front tire,” said the car. “Repressurizing it now.”

She heard the sound of an air pump motor over the commercial for dinner at the trendiest restaurant in town. A loud pop shook the vehicle. The car swerved off the bridge.

“Initiating emergency procedures,” said the car. “Have you considered taking a Mediterranean cruise to help reduce your stress?”

A parachute exploded from the trunk and jerked the car up. Eve screamed as the coffee spilled over everything. The car then descended into the thick pine forest, breaking branches and shaking the entire vehicle. Without a single pause, the commercials continued playing on the car’s speakers. 

“Initiating parking sequence and smooth landing periodicals,” said the car. “In the future, try Lanny’s extra-thick tires.”

Finally, the car slowed down and stopped. Eve, breathing hard, sat still, covered in coffee, and waited to see what would happen next. The car unlocked her seatbelt and retracted it. Then the door slid open with all the lights of the vehicle repeatedly flashing.

“Distress call has been made,” said the car. “You are not injured. Heart rate accelerated, but normal. No signs of shock. Your car has been totaled. A replacement car and a tow truck have been dispatched. Estimated arrival time is twenty minutes.” Then, the car returned to streaming commercials. “Try Dr. Nose’s pill for optimal heart health.”

Eve took a deep breath to calm her shivering body. She looked around as she slowly got out of the car. The car had landed in the middle of the White Wolf Nature Preserve. She had never been out in nature. It was like one of the wallpaper backdrops that she could choose from for the single picture frame in her apartment.

As she walked away from the car, the commercials switched from the car speakers to her watch. 

The morning sunlight speckled through the needle-covered branches of the tall trees and revealed patches of brush in multiple green colors on the forest floor. A clump of brown mushrooms grew out of the trunk of the nearest tree on her left, and a fallen log was covered in green moss on her right. Not far in front of her was a pond edged with rushes. Playing from her watch, the jingle for the local car dealership pushed Eve to extreme measures.

“Gnat! I want silence for an hour!”

In mid-sentence, the car salesman was silenced.

Eve could still feel the ghostly echoes of machine noises and commercials in her ears. She closed her eyes, wishing for her ears to adjust to the silence faster. As she then listened intentionally, the silence became the most profoundly peaceful nothingness she had ever experienced. Then she began to hear the birds chirping, the light splashing of the pond, and the croaking of a frog population. The roar of the highway above was still there, but it was so high that it didn't drown out the sounds of nature surrounding her.

“Wow, this is beautiful,” Eve said out loud as she opened her eyes and took in the landscape before her,

“It is,” said a woman.

Eve turned around toward the voice. Two men and two women were walking towards her from the dark depths of the forest. 

“Would you like to join us?” asked the oldest woman. “My name is Sophia. This is my sister, Charity, my husband, John, and our friend, Honest.”

“What do you mean?” asked Eve. “It's illegal for you to be here.”

“That's true,” said Honest, “if we lived here with technology. We are legally protected because we take care of all of this for the city government and live as hunter-gatherers.”

 The group was dressed in rough clothing woven from plant fibers like burlap. The coarse fabrics were dyed bright colors and sewn into plain tunics. They looked like the medieval peasants Eve had seen in an ad for wine once.

“You’re the freaks who live away from civilization,” said Eve. “I saw a news article about you once.”

The group laughed. 

“I suppose the city is still civilization,” said Sophia, “but how often do you see another human being? How many are your friends? What about family time? When I lived up there, I was alone, far more isolated than I am now.” 

Eve looked up at the busy highway overhead. What was civilization? Was it technology? The division of labor?

“Maybe I could disconnect a little here and there to get out more,” mumbled Eve. She was lonely. As soon as she said it, though, she knew it was impossible.

“Your devices won’t allow you,” said John. “Your job pays in credits that you never touch, and you can only order what you need with your devices. To have your devices, you have to have a data plan, and a data plan means commercials. Commercials mean you either need to shout over them or limit your time with people to your quiet times. Everything depends on everything else. You either have the whole system or none of it. That isn’t our rule. It's just the way the Nebula works.”

Eve turned and looked at her car. Although she hated her life, it met her needs and was comfortable.

“We are not the only ones here,” said Charity. “We are a tribe of fifty people who all share the work. We can train you to survive out here.”

“Fifty people?” said Eve. It was the same number of people worked in her company. “Talking to each other for more than an hour?”

The four hunter-gatherers smiled and nodded.

“It certainly isn’t easy,” said John. “There are wolves and bears. Starvation is a threat during the winter since we have rustic tools and weapons. We live in the elements, so it is not always comfortable.”

“But there are no commercials,” Charity said with a grin that radiated from her soul. “You have all the silence you want, then good conversations, and at dinner, we play music on the instruments we made.”

“No commercials?” said Eve. “And music?” 

As they spoke, a white car came driving through the woods towards them. The hunter-gatherers watched with scowls as the white car, identical to Eve’s crashed one pulled up next to her and parked. It slid open its door.

“Your employer has been notified of your wreck,” said the voice from the empty car. “Your estimated time for arrival is fifteen minutes.”

The tow truck following the white car immediately pulled up in front of the totaled car, and a mechanical arm slid out from behind the truck. The arm grabbed the car and pulled it onto the back of the tow truck.

“No humans needed,” said John with a shake of his head.

Eve turned to the open car next to her. She was faced with a choice between easy comfort or human companionship. 

Her watch then began to play commercials. 

“Feed your soul at Blue Waters Spa…” the advertisement declared.

They all stood still as Eve thought over the life-changing decision before her. Would she go back to being a cog in a system? Where was her humanity?

“No commercials?” asked Eve.

“No commercials,” said Sophia.

Eve unstrapped her watch, revealing the white skin on her wrist underneath it. She studied the device.

“Goodbye, Gnat,” she told it. “I’m going to reclaim my humanity.”

It didn’t respond because it had no programming for goodbyes. “Are you needing silence and time away from it all?” said the commercial, “try or weekend getaway in the snowy mountains of…”

Eve threw the watch into the car and followed the hunter-gatherers into the peaceful woods.

THE END

On my blog, I recently have been reviewing fiction books that are enjoyable for middle school through high school. I venture into books for younger and older groups when I review classics and even nonfiction, but I haven't spent much time reviewing books for the youngest children. I have been wanting to write this post for a while so that I could review all the beautiful board books and read-out-louds my very young children have enjoyed.

What particial started me thinking about this post is a research project I have been doing on fairy tales. Much of my own writing is directly influenced by fairy tales. For much or history, the oral tradition of folklore was the primary source of story for young children. I have read much academic literature that claim that children were not treated as children, but this is nonsense. It all depends on what ages you want to extend childhood to. Young children have always been tenderly cared for and entertained with toys and stories just like today. The unique feature, though, about children's literature was that it was not written down until recently.

Now, you must understand that when I say recently, I am a huge proponent of classic literature as old as the Greek epics. When researching children's literature, books that are to be read by children only start being widely made in the middle of the 1700s. Many of these were fairy tales which I will deal with in a different post. Most of the classic children's pictures that will be on this list will be from the 1900s or more recent.

There are, of course, more great books out there than what is on my list, but if I was to choose 20 books or series of books for brand new parents from the books I am familiar with, these would be it.

1. Eric Carlie Books: The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Brown Bear Brown Bear What Do You Hear, and Polar Bear Polar Bear What Do You See

2. The Little Blue Truck by Alice Schertle and illustrated by Jill McElmurry

3. Winnie the Pooh and the House on Pooh Corner by Milie

4. The Peter Rabbit Series by Beatrix Potter

5. The Bernstein Bear Series

6. The Bear Snores On by karma Wilson and Jane Chapman

7. Caps for Sale by Esphr Slobodkina

8. See and Say: Creation Story, Baby Jesus, Lost Sheep, and Noah's Ark

9. Dear Zoo byRod Campbell

10. Go Dog Go

11. The Pout Pout Fish by Deborah Diesen and illustrated by Fan Hanna

12. Steam Train, Dream Train by sherri Duskey Rinker and Tom Lichtenheld

13. Frog and Toad are Friends Series

14. The Three Little Pigs

15. When There is a Bear, There's Honey

16. We're Going On A Bear Hunt by Michael Rosen and Illustrated by Helen Oxenbury

17. Iza Trapani Books: Row, Row Row Your Boat; Baa, Baa Black Sheep; I'm a Little Teapot; TwinkleTwinkle Little Star; The Itsy Bitsy Spider

18. The Snowy Day by Ezra Jackson Keats

19. So Say the Little Monkeys by Nancy Van Laan and Illustrated by Yumi Heo

20. Toot and Puddle Books

There are so many really good children's books for very young children, but these are my favorite of the ones I have encountered so far. I will be doing some reviews on slightly longer chapter books not listed here such as Charlotte's Web, but I most likely will wait to do cover future picture books in another list. So, if there is a picture book I missed that really ought to have been on my list, please let me know in the comments below!

One random day, my husband received a text friend, “Would you be interested in an opportunity…” We had not really traveled far in a long time. Not long after this text, our whole family were on an airplane to visit Jackson, Wyoming to see if we would like to move there for my husband’s Job opportunity.

Jackson is the largest town in the Jackson Hole Valley of the Grand Teton. The town is a wealthy ski resort town as well as a popular home base for those visiting the National parks, such a the Tetons and Yellowstone National Park, during the summer months. Many famous celebrities and wealthy families call this town. With the population being only 10,000 people (Elk might out-number residents, but I don't know), the town has an incredible amount of culture, high-class shops, and restaurants for being so small.

Besides learning how to live in a mountain town with snow for 6 months out of the year, we visited a brand-new observatory and planetarium on top of a ski slope.

I had never really dreamed of living in the middle of the US, nor the Rocky Mountains, but I fell in love with the unspoiled beauty there. We saw moose every day we were there. We played in the snow.

So, in the end, my husband has accepted the job, and we will be moving there at the end of June. We look forward to our new season of wanderings!

If stabbing yourself in the chest repeatedly with a dull knife and not dying could be a career, it would be called writing. The novice writer dreams of the perfect book that they will write in less than a year and then be presented with a million-dollar advance adorned with showers of praise. The experienced author knows the heart-wrenching effort to bare your guts only to be told over and over again that it the equivalent of a rotting piece of soiled toilet paper. Rejection and criticism is more a part of being an author than writing is.

I say all this because the merit of an author is often pictured in how they deal with criticism. Many people, including myself, long to develop thicker skin to deal with criticism with courage and fortitude. I honestly think that this is a myth. Why else do we hear of writers who are alcoholics and drug addicts? I present the case now for dealing with criticism as a coward and indulging in all the well-earned self-pity any obsessive scribe could possibly want. Once recovered, you might be able to deceive yourself into thinking you are channeling those emotions into your writing, but in reality, it is just the standard insecurity we all use to achieve perfection or some such rubbish.

Writing one's first book is a challenge by itself. Some say its like childbearing. Having had children, I can tell you it is harder. Still, it is an effort I think most people should try once, kind of like burning your hand, so you learn not to do it again.

Once a novice writer places their brand new baby book on the altar of public opinion, they get the deranged joy of watching it burn. Your family and friends MIGHT say your book is nice. Often, they just pat you on the shoulder and say "Good try. Get a real job."

This is mild in comparison to the writer groups and online forums. If you dare to present your work there, nasty little trolls crawl out of the woodwork and start dismantling your pride and joy. The spelling error on page 63 is harped on. Your wording is called stilted or clichéd. Your characters are flat, unbelievable, juvenile, whiny, too perfect, not repeatable, or just dull. The plot moves too fast, too slow, not interesting enough, too confusing, too complicated, too simple, too trite, and too odd. Your settings are bland, strange, old, unimaginative, and too hard to imagine. Your writing is archaic, stilted, too common, vulgar, or patronizing. And you may hear all of these contradictory criticisms at the same time! What should you do?

If you are like me, you crawl into a hole and begin the stages of writer's grief: denial you did anything wrong, anger that these people were so mean, bargaining with your few supporters for validation, tears that the critics may be right, and then repeat the process a few dozen more times. Then I obsessively read over my writing with weeping and gnashing of teeth before repeating the stages of grief all over again.

Oh, dread upon dread! I find eight errors in 100,000 words! My life is over! I suck at writing! I should quit and do something more productive with my time, like underwater basket weaving.

Sane people do quit at this point. Some people actually make it through the process of self-publishing first before quitting. Others send their writing out to a dozen publishers who send form rejection letters, and then they quit. These people have weighed the cost and found it wanting.

Real writers bang their heads against the wall until they get another great idea and jump right into the masochistic abuse all over again, forgetting any pain they had just endured. It's a sick sort of addiction like eating so many gummy bears that you're up all night being sick. Well, maybe that only applies to my husband.

The real catch is when you get something accepted, published, or win an award. Suddenly the sun is shining, and the world is beautiful again. Yet, even that award-winning piece can't hide from the inevitable criticism. After all, now that you are a successful author, you must be put back into your sniveling place. The masses will then declare you are a cheat, a fraud, an impostor. I say all this as though I would know. I don't. I get thrilled just to see my work in print and then forget that I should be concerned about eating too.

I would dare say that even the demigod of fiction, Stephen King, faces criticism. If you read his book About Writing, you would know this to be a fact. I also assert that he is the most insane among us. Why else would he do it over and over again? Since he is sober at this point, he has to let out his stress by playing in a band with Dave Berry. In fact, many famous writers are part of this band, and I would say that they are all taking the cowardly way out. No sane person would advertise being in a band unless they were really good at it. From what I read online, they are all going to be keeping their day jobs. I'm not making that up. Just Google it, after all, Google never lies.

The point, though is that if you are a writer, you will be criticized. This is a fact of life that has been true since the beginning of the written word. Don't keep a stiff upper lip and bare it with stoic fortitude. The artistic ideal is the troubled artist who has emotional mood swings like an inebriated Howler monkey on his jungle vines. I encourage you to fully embrace the torture with the cowardly coping mechanisms of laughter and tears, and a few odd quirks to make you less sane.

If you are a writer, then know you are not alone. If you are not a writer, maybe you should try it. You'll never be the same again, and that may or may not be suitable for your mental health. If you're a critic or a book reviewer, well, there isn't any hope for you. My condolences to your family. You have created a facade of normalcy that is entirely unsustainable. I should know; I review books too.

So is there a better, braver way to deal with criticism?

I'm sure there is, but I haven't discovered it. One day, when I'm rich and famous, perhaps I'll join a band and then learn how mild my writing criticism actually was.

The clock’s ticking grated on Amélie. The executive director needed to assign the roles for Giselle, and he had told her that she either needed to return to full-time dancing by next week or put in her notice for retirement. The clock on the wall seemed to be streaming at her that the deadline was coming.

Her cell phone rang. She sighed irritably, walked over to her bag, and answered it.

"Signorina, an elephant-headed man is coming for you. Go with him," a masculine voice said.

"Say what?"

She look at her phone. It was an unlisted number. Amélie typically didn't answer unlisted numbers and had not answered the last three times her phone had rang. They were often sales calls. She had no idea why she had answered this time. She was too kind to spammers.

"Thank you for your phone call," she replied before hanging up. She was too nice to the prank callers, too. She should have just hung up without saying anything. It would just encourage him.

She dropped her phone in her canvas duffel bag and returned to the center of the empty dance studio. She needed that role.

The studio was one of the smaller rooms of the Royal Ballet. A mirror covered the entire wall opposite the door. A barre was attached to the other three walls, and a small upright piano sat in the corner, left of the mirrored wall. She tapped the tips of her pointe shoes in the resin tray before the mirror and then ground the tips into the wooden floor.

Amélie walked to the center of the room and faced the mirror. Her elegant reflection was dressed in a plain black leotard, pale pink tights, and a sheer wrap-around skirt. The other dancers typically wore footless tights and t-shirts, but she liked the more traditional outfits. She attempted a plié, and her knees popped as they bent out. Pain shot up her leg, but she ignored that. She then tried to leap with a jéte, but her legs gave out on the landing. She fell, rolling onto her bottom on the wood floor.

Tears came to her eyes. Her knee was done. She had been able to practice for multiple hours most of this week. She had never had her legs give out before.

After her ski accident and knee replacement surgery, the doctors had warned her that she could walk and even be very active, but she would probably never reach the level of performance she had before. They tried to gently suggest exploring other careers beyond dancing to pursue. She had refused to listen to them. That was six months ago.

She was one of the principal dancers at the largest ballet company in the UK. At thirty years old, she was at the peak of her career and had been the Sugar Plum Fairy in The Nutcracker, Odette in Swan Lake, Aurora in Sleeping Beauty, and so many other dream roles. She was striving to be the best dancer of her generation, yet the vice-like grip of pressure around her knee would not diminish after months of therapy. She didn't want to be a choreographer or a teacher. She didn't want to transition to ballroom dancing. She wanted to be like one of those very rare dancers who were still in demand at sixty years old, like Prima Ballerina Assoluta Alessandra Ferri. Yet, her knee did not agree with her.

It was all over. The doctors had told her that ballet was one of the hardest athletic activities to return to after a total knee replacement. The twisting, full squats, and sharp jerking motions were tough on the knees. A dancer's career was typically short, and the time it would take to heal fully, get back into top condition, and try to master those roles again would take her into the age at which most dancers retired. She was going to have to move back in with her parents on the edge of London and try to start over again.

Tears rolled down her cheek.

At that moment, the massive mirror covering the wall of the room began to ripple. Amélie didn't notice at first because of her tears, but rippling brought pastel waves of color.

"I overworked myself," she muttered. "I probably need to get something to eat."

She had thought it was the waves of tiredness that she would get periodically when she had gone to rehearsals without breakfast, but the rest of the room was unchanged. Her tears dried up as she looked around more intensely. The mirror's colors began to create shapes and pictures. They were like the fanciful pictures from a watercolor storybook. The colors solidified to form a tiled mosaic of jewel-tone flowers, fruit, birds, and butterflies. In the center of the mosaic was an arched doorway with a heavy wood door painted blue.

"Is this real?" Amélie asked, looking around.

The rest of the dance studio was empty and unchanged. She moved her legs to stand, and a shot of pain stabbed her from her bad knee. She sat back down. It was real.

The blue door then slowly opened, and a very athletic man with the head of a small elephant walked through. The man wore a fashionable brown suede coat over a light blue cotton collared shirt, and Italian-cut gray trousers. The light blue silk tie was tucked into his shirt just like one of the models from the fashion magazine in the lobby of the dance studio.

"Is this a joke?" asked Amélie. "Is it animatronic? It's so real-looking."

The elephant head tilted like he didn't really understand. He then walked forward towards her. Amélie began to panic.

"Oh no! Stay away from me," she said as she tried to get up again and then scooted backward when that failed.

The elephant-headed man stopped walking towards her and instead spotted her bag and things. He went over to her belongings, packed them up, and carried them towards Amélie.

"Stay away from me," Amélie said again.

The man dropped the bag at her feet and pointed to the door. Amélie grabbed her bag and jumped to her feet. She stumbled to the dance studio door and tried to open it. The door wasn't just locked; it was glued closed. It didn't even rattle. Amélie fought with the door and pulled on it with all her strength. She then felt the elephant-headed man behind her. She turned around with her back to the door. The elephant-headed man lifted his right hand to take her hand in his. A chill of terror shivered up her arm. At the moment that the shiver was about to reach her throat in the form of a scream, he dropped his hand again. Instead, he pointed to the open door.

Amélie slid down to the ground with her back against her only escape from the room. Her eyes followed the direction he pointed through the magical doorway. On the other side was an English garden on a plateau overlooking a lake that was surrounded by mountains. To the right were lawn chairs and an elegant, crystal-clear fountain with a statue in the center. To the left was a pink three-story villa that seemed to come from a travel magazine article about someplace in Europe. She gasped and blinked. Was he kidnapping her to take her there?

"Do you want me to go willingly?" she asked the elephant-headed man. "So do you think that a single woman should allow herself to be kidnapped by some magical elephant-headed stranger and taken to his villa, who knows where, with no way to get home? You're crazy."

Actually, maybe she was the one who had gone crazy.

He sighed. He pulled out of his pocket a little blown-glass bottle and pulled out the cork stopper. In a quick jerk, he tossed the contents on Amélie. It smelled like flowers and allspice. The room went dark.

Amélie woke up in her same clothes, lying on a bed in a small, simply decorated room. The furniture was an expensive mix of modern and antique. The window overlooked the same lake she had seen through the magic door.

"He was able to kidnap me anyway," mumbled Amélie as she sat up.

She glanced to her right, where her bag was. It had all of her things. She picked up her cell phone, wondering if she was in some magical land or still on earth. She pulled up the maps app and chose the option to show her current location.

"Italy? I'm near Milan." She pondered which friend to call for help. Could someone fly out here to get her?

A light knocking sound came from the door of the bedroom. The door slowly opened. A tiger standing on its hind legs and wearing a very fashionable Italian dress walked through the door, leaving it open behind her. Carrying a tray of food in her paws, she walked to the nightstand at the side of the bed. Unlike the elephant-headed man, she was a tiger from head to toe. Amélie slid away from it. The tiger woman took the cold dinner tray lying there and left the new tray. It appeared that Amélie had slept there all night, and it was now morning.

The tiger woman then went to the antique wardrobe that stood against the wall farthest from the door and next to the large window. She opened the mirrored doors with her free paw. Then she turned to look at Amélie. She motioned from the clothes that hung there to Amélie and back, trying to indicate they were for her.

“Umm, thanks?” Amélie said.

The tiger woman nodded, walked to the bedroom door, and repeatedly opened and closed it to show that it would not be locked. She left it slightly open when she walked out.

Amélie turned to the food tray. It held flowers in a tiny vase, a cappuccino, and a sweet brioche. Could it be drugged? It was possible, but she had already been drugged. She decided to eat the pastry since she was famished.

She carried the cappuccino as she sipped it to the wardrobe. A dress, pants, a blouse, and a fashionable jumpsuit hung inside. A pair of designer sandals with thick two-inch heels was on the wardrobe floor. Undergarments and a box of delicate gold and diamond jewelry were on the top shelf.

She then walked into the bath and saw everything she needed there as well. She took another sip of her cappuccino.

Was she a kidnapped prisoner or on a luxury vacation?

She then strolled to the large window. It turned out to be a sliding glass door that led to a tiny balcony. Amélie walked out into the cool sunlight and surveyed the English garden below her.

A lake with sailboats was beyond the garden, and green mountains beyond that. It was the most gorgeous place she had ever seen. The villa she stood in was pink, and she was on the third floor, which was the top floor. Rooms to her left had the same kind of tiny balconies with wrought iron rails. Directly below her was a large tiled patio with multiple tables and chairs. She returned to the bedroom.

"Well," she said as she returned her empty cup to the breakfast tray. "This is the strangest kidnapping I have ever heard of. I'm not locked in, but I'm unsure if I can leave. I was drugged to get me here to be with strange animal people. I guess I'll go along with it for the moment."

Amélie showered and dressed in the pants and blouse from the wardrobe. She left the jewelry. Once done, she put her phone in her pocket and left the room. The villa was spotlessly clean and perfect for hosting guests. The hallway had modern abstract paintings in antique frames. The house was lit by a plethora of windows and pendant light fixtures. She passed a few bedrooms before she found the spiral staircase. Once she descended a floor, she walked back in the direction she came from. A wall of windows led to the balcony porch she had seen from her room. On her left was more rooms, then an open library and piano; beyond that was a formal dining room and an open kitchen. In the kitchen, a polar bear was cooking lunch. Amélie turned around without disturbing the cook. She found another stairwell tucked between the dining room and the library.

She went down those stairs to find a living room with another fireplace and two locked rooms that required keys. From there, she found the front door, which was easily unlocked from the inside of the house. She glanced around to see that no one was looking before leaving the house.

A garden surrounded a circular driveway with a fountain in the center. There were no cars. The driveway went on through some cypress trees and around a hill. She had no idea how far the road would be, but she heard no traffic, just the gentle splashing of the lake.

"That would have been too easy," she muttered to herself. She turned around and went back into the house. She would search for cars later. She walked through the house and walked out into the English garden.

The tiger woman followed her through the door with another tray. She stopped at a wrought iron table with a tile mosaic top and set down a bottle of white wine and a glass, a plate of pasta with a white sauce, and a small loaf of bread on a cutting board. She indicated that the food was for Amélie before she left.

"Lunch already?" said Amélie. She must have slept late. She sat down to the meal and began to eat. Her phone rang.

“Hello?” Amélie asked.

The masculine voice from before her kidnapping spoke. “Are you happy, Signorina Amélie?”

"I've been kidnapped by a magical elephant-headed man," replied Amélie. "This might be paradise, but I didn't choose to come here and can't go home. What do you think?"

There was silence.

“Hello?” asked Amélie.

"Stay for one night, and I will tell you how to get home tomorrow," said the voice. "This was the only way. I'm sorry."

"A… thanks. I guess," she replied. There was silence, so she hung up.

Amélie finished the pasta and poured herself a second glass of wine before walking into the gardens.

The gardens held the fountain with the sculpture she had seen through the magic door and a pool next to the rock on which the house was built. From the rock was a waterfall into the pool.

"If I weren't a prisoner, I would be in heaven," she muttered. She looked back out on the lake. There were other villas. Human people were on the boats.

"What a strange place," she told herself. "Where did these animal people come from? Are they aliens? What do they want? Who is the man who keeps calling me?" She reviewed those questions over and over again. For some reason, she had forgotten to call someone for help. It wasn't until the middle of the afternoon that she remembered. She decided to call her boss, the executive director of the ballet.

"Hello?" he answered.

"Help! I've been kidnapped," she told him.

"Amélie? Where are you? Why didn't you call the police?"

"I am in a villa near Milan. An elephant-headed man brought me here through a magic portal."

Silence.

"Amélie, are you drunk?" he asked. "I know you have had a rough time. Retirement is a difficult choice, but considering all you have been through physically… and you are getting to that age… I knew it would happen soon, but you are taking it hard. I just hate that you are letting yourself go like this."

"I'm not drunk," said Amélie, almost in tears.

"Are you having a nervous breakdown? Did you hear what you just told me?"

Amélie couldn't reply. More tears came. Even if she could prove she was in Italy, how could she prove an elephant-headed man did it? She sighed.

"Never mind." She hung up.

She gulped the rest of her wine. Retirement and being kidnapped. It could be worse, she supposed. She could be locked up in some cell or closet instead of being served gourmet food at an Italian villa.

As Amélie sat down on one of the lawn chairs in the garden, a shadow blocked the sunlight. Amélie turned to her right and squeaked in surprise when she saw it was the elephant-headed man. She covered her mouth with her hands. He seemed as terrifying as the first time she had seen him. He motioned for her to come with him and pointed to the house.

There was no point in fighting him this time. Amélie wanted to know why she was here. He led her into the house and unlocked a room to the right of the entry and living room. It was a massive art studio with fabric and drawings of models and fashion designs on three large work tables. Five sewing mannequins stood around the room. She saw two sewing machines and other tools that a fashion designer would need. On the wall hung pictures of runway models in various styles. A portrait of an Italian man with a model on either side of him also hung on the wall. The elephant-headed man pointed to the picture and to the room.

"Does this house belong to that fashion designer?" asked Amélie.

The elephant-headed man nodded.

"What happened to him?" Amélie asked.

The elephant-headed man pointed to himself and back to the picture. When Amélie didn't respond, he started to motion more frantically. Amélie turned pale and started to back away.

"You killed him?" she said with horror.

He shook his head and pointed to a gray taffeta fabric. Then, he tried to mimic the walk of a woman.

"You turned him into a woman?" Amélie asked as she continued to move backward to the door of the room.

He made fists and slammed one on the table. Amélie jumped and froze. He then went to grab a tablet in the middle of a work table to his left. The device made an audible zapping noise in his hand. He squealed, dropped the device, and then danced around, holding his hand.

Amélie didn't wait for more. She dashed out of the room, up the two sets of stairs, and ran into the bedroom she had woken in. She closed the door, locking it from the inside.

"He killed a fashion designer with that zapping device and took his house from him," said Amélie to herself as she hugged herself. "Is this going to be like one of those horror stories in which he tries to make me his wife or something?" She paced the room in panic. “Think, Amélie, think!”

He hadn't harmed her yet. He had brought her here, but he made no sexual advances yet. The device had zapped him, not her. She stopped pacing and sat on the bed.

"What is going on here?" she exclaimed. Her phone rang.

"Signorina, you have made a great error," said the masculine voice.

"Who are you? How do you know?" she asked.

"I am on your side," he replied. "I am that designer in the picture. My name is Signore Giovanni Piccolomini Ammannati, and I am under a curse from an enchantress who became angry about a dress I made for her. You must help the elephant-headed man to help me."

"You should have just told me that instead of having that monster kidnap me," replied Amélie. "Who is he? Some kind of alien or magical thing?"

"He is part of me or most of me. Would you have believed me?" he asked. "You didn't believe me when I told you about the elephant-headed man coming to get you."

Amélie paused. No, she wouldn't have believed him, just like her boss didn't believe she had been kidnapped.

"Ok, you have a point, but--"

"I can't talk," Giovanni said. He then changed the pitch of his voice higher and said in a more feminine slur, "Hey Siri, hang up." The phone went silent.

Amélie looked at her phone. So, how was the elephant-headed man part of this voice? Considering all the odd things happening to her, it could mean anything.

She threw her phone on the bed and walked to her window to look at the lake. It was a beautiful home. If Giovanni was telling the truth, he and this elephant-headed man were cursed because of a dress. How unfair was that? Amélie looked down at the garden and saw the elephant-headed man standing next to the rail at the edge of the garden, staring out at the lake. For the first time, she felt pity for him.

Then she smirked. Would breaking this spell have requirements like some fairytale? Would she be required to kiss him or fall in love with a mute stranger? The idea of even getting close to him gave her the creeps.

"It would be like Beauty and the Beast or The Nutcracker," she muttered. "Ugh, the idea of kissing an elephant is horrible."

She left the window and wandered around her room. She thought about social media or watching videos to waste time, but it didn't interest her. She just wanted to solve this mystery and go home… to face her forced retirement. Her boss had told her to retire, and he might force her to if he thought she had a nervous breakdown. She would be going home to pack up her apartment and move, starting over with a new life. Going home didn't sound so fun when she put it like that.

There was a knock on her door. Amélie unlocked it and opened it to see the tiger lady. She didn't have a tray. She motioned for Amélie to follow her. If the elephant-headed man wasn't a murderer, she really had no reason to stay locked up. She would hold them to the promise that she could go home tomorrow, though. Amélie grabbed her phone from the bed and followed. She would play the heroine role for now.

They walked to the stairs, down one floor, and then out to the patio. One of the tables was set for dinner. There was only one place setting, but the doors to the house were left open. A note sat on her plate with a newspaper clipping. The tiger woman pulled out the chair and motioned for Amélie to sit down. Amélie did so and picked up the letter. It was written in large, messy letters, like someone trying to write without looking at the paper.

"I am sorry I scared you. I have never killed anyone. I need your help, but you are free to go if you like. I cannot leave. If I touch any electronics, they give me an electrical shock. I also get shocks trying to walk off my property. I don't know how to break this curse. I need help figuring it out."

Amélie folded the note and laid it next to the plate. What was she supposed to do? She couldn't stay here for months trying to break a stranger's curse. Her family would worry about her, and her friends would wonder if something terrible had happened. Maybe she could plan on coming back for a vacation? Then again, a plane ticket to Milan was expensive.

She then picked up the newspaper clipping. "Fashion Designer Disappears," said the headline of a British newspaper. Amélie scanned the article. He had been last seen the previous year, right after the summer runway show in Milan that September. No one would talk about the investigation, but it seemed like his house had disappeared as if it had been demolished a couple of years ago. If he did not show up on time, he would miss this year's show, which would be catastrophic for his company. The article ended by predicting the demise of his fortune and his legacy.

Amélie put the article down and sat back. Her forced retirement didn't seem all that urgent compared to his struggles. Still, she couldn't stay.

The tiger woman came and placed a small bowl of gnocchi on the plate before Amélie with bread and a bottle of sparkling water. As she left, the elephant-headed man walked into the library on the other side of the glass from the porch. He did not look at her but sat at the piano and began playing.

Amélie ate the multi-course dinner as the elephant-headed man continued to play. When she finished, Amélie stood up and walked inside the house to him.

"I read your note," she told him. She kept a safe distance.

He stopped playing and turned to her with expectation.

"I can't just stay here for weeks to figure out how to break this curse. I have a family and a job… Well, I used to have a job. It looks like I am going to be forced to retire. Even so, I need to go back. Maybe I can plan on a vacation to come back and --"

He shook his head and stood. He patted her shoulder and walked away. It was hard to read the expression on an elephant's face, but his sad eyes had broken her heart. She turned and went to her room.

Her phone rang a moment later.

“Signorina Amélie,” said Giovanni.

"I told the elephant-headed man that I couldn't stay,” said Amélie. “I mean, if there were something specific I could do, that would be different, but I can't stay, trying to figure all of this out for months. I have family and friends."

"I understand," he said sadly. "You will be allowed to leave, and I will try to purchase a ticket for you at the airport. The elephant-headed man can not touch any electronics. He cannot open the garage because of the electronic opener and alarm system. He also can't drive the speedboat, but the sailboat is in the water."

"I don't know how to sail," said Amélie.

"Just use the motor on the back. It is slow, but it can get you to the restaurants south of us. Take the jewelry to pay you back for the taxi and whatever you need. There isn't much cash at the house."

"Thank you," said Amélie.

"I am sorry about your retirement," he went on to say. "It is horrible. I saw you in London once when I was visiting a customer. You were amazing. I have been following your career since. Sometimes, I can watch your performances online. You are very talented."

“Thank you,” said Amélie.

"I don't want you to think I had been obsessing or a… what do you call it? A lurker? A stalker? No, I just love good art, and you create masterpieces. Oh, I must go." His voice changed again. "Hey, Siri, hang up."

Amélie prepared for bed and stayed awake trying to come up with ideas to help Giovanni out of this situation. She eventually fell asleep in the early morning hours.

The tiger woman's knock on her door woke Amélie. She sat up as a breakfast tray was placed on the nightstand. It again held a cappuccino and a sweet brioche. Amélie ate the pastry and drank the cappuccino before going to the shower. She would wear the dress and the jewelry, as Giovanni had said. She needed to look nice if she was going to get help from the wealthy people around the lake. She quickly got ready, packed her bag, and went down to the dock.

The small sailboat was waiting for her. It was about 15 feet long, with a single mast and bench seats around the sides. A single person could sail it easily. The only thing electronic on it was an outboard motor on the back. Amélie searched her phone for instructions on how to operate the motor on the boat. She found a few articles, and it seemed easy.

The elephant-headed man strolled next to her and offered his hand to help her into the boat. She took it with reluctance. Once she was in the boat, he untied the rope, threw it in, and pushed the boat away from the dock with his foot. He then pointed south.

"Thank you so much!" she called out as she moved to the outboard motor and started it up. She had been on boats before, but she had never driven one. It wasn't complicated from the middle of the lake. She was concerned about docking it again, though.

After ten minutes, the boat lurched and then started driving itself. It turned the boat around and went north.

"Hey!" she shouted at the motor. "What are you doing?"

She tried to wrestle the lever for control, but nothing would give. The boat continued on for thirty minutes into a mountainous cove and docked at a large white villa that was at least twice as big as Giovanni's home.

At once, the motor died. A human-sized terrier on its hind legs was waiting for Amélie.

"Great!" she mumbled. "More animal people."

The terrier man beckoned for her to get out and come with him. She did, since sitting in a dead boat didn't do anything to help her.

The villa was lavish to the point of gaudiness. Sculptures, antiques, gold-plated furniture, and exotic decorations gave the place a creepy look. It wasn't a haunted style, but it felt unhinged, like a child with too much money hoarding every kind of expensive thing it could find. It didn't match but clashed like a Middle Eastern bazaar.

They went into the house from the back through French doors into the living room with a connected library. Lounging on a smoking sofa was a fully human woman of indescribable age. Her jet-black hair was tied in a bun and stabbed with two jeweled hair sticks. She was of some sort of European descent, but even that was hard to decipher. She was dressed in a jumpsuit that could have been worn by a model in the last runway show. It was edgy and clever, but it didn't suit the woman. Somehow, they clashed.

"Kind of you to stop by," said the woman.

Amélie was startled because the deep feminine voice sounded precisely like Giovanni's voice when he needed to hang up the phone.

The woman sat up and glanced behind her. "Is that right, Giovanni?" she asked.

On a middle shelf of the library wall sat a giant fish bowl with the head of an Italian man in it. The head rocked and blinked.

"I don't know what you mean?" it replied to the woman, "Why are you asking me?"

Amélie gasped in horror. She recognized his voice, too. She now understood what he meant about the elephant-headed man being part of him. That was his body. Here, his head sat bodiless.

"I ask because you have been calling her for two days," she said. "I have a call log on my phone."

Giovanni opened his mouth to speak and then closed it. He remained silent.

"Well, I expect he was calling you for help," said the tacky woman. "So now you can tell me his plan, and I will let you go. Don't lie to me, though. I’ll know."

"There was no plan," said Amélie. "I told him I had no idea what I could do to help, and he let me go."

"Nonsense," said the woman. "I will have to keep you here, then, until Giovanni finishes my dress."

"I have made you four dresses already," the head exclaimed. "You have kept them all and have still kept me prisoner!"

The tacky woman pretended to yawn. "That is the prerogative of the jinn," she replied. "Until I am happy, you will be mine."

"But Signora Lilith—" he replied.

"Enough! Be silent," she replied with a wave of her hand.

Amélie's mind began to go through all the ballets and fairytales she could remember. How did people defeat an evil jinni?

"Do you make all the animal people I have been meeting, or are they jinn like you?" asked Amélie.

"Oh, I turned people into the animals that they remind me of," she replied. "I can turn you into one. It keeps people quiet and still useful."

"Is that your only trick?" asked Amélie.

"Of course not!" said Lilith, sitting up for the first time. "I am infinitely powerful."

"But you can't make a dress," said Amélie. "Why do you need humans to do things?"

"I can do anything, but magic is tiring," said the jinni. "You are also tiring. I may end up turning you into something if you don't cooperate. I want to know what Giovanni wanted with you first, though."

"But I have already told you," said Amélie.

"Petris, take this woman upstairs until dinner time," said Lilith. "Her lies bore me, and I need to decide what to do with her."

The terrier servant came and indicated for Amélie to follow him. He led her up a marble staircase. The dog servant then glanced around before motioning for Amélie to be silent and took her to a side room. It was locked, but the servant opened the door with a key.

Inside the room was a very messy and very tacky bedroom. The servant then showed Amélie the various piles of things on the tables and shelves.

They were potions and magic books. One of the books was open to legends about jinn. Another book had recipes for potions to turn people into animals. The servant kept rushing to the door and checking the hallway.

Amélie found a box with a digital lock that had a numerical keypad. The servant rushed to her side, pointing and motioning for her to open it.

“I don't know the code,” Amélie whispered.

The terrier tried to hold up the fingers of his paws, but it was difficult to do. He then tried to pat her hand.

“Start over,” Amélie whispered.

He patted three times. Amélie typed in the number. He then patted six times. Amélie typed in that. The terrier patted nine times and then twice. Amélie typed those in and the lock opened. The terrier servant rushed to the door to check the hall.

In the box were little pills with pictures on them of different animals. Glancing at the book near them, it looked like recipes for the pills in an odd language.

The servant came back to Amélie and began to urge her to leave. She was eager to follow, but quickly slipped one of the pills into her pocket. She slammed the box closed and rushed after the servant. They left the room, and the terrier locked the door behind him.

The servant then led her to an empty bedroom to wait and locked the door. Amélie glanced at her phone. She had no signal. The room was beautiful but dull. When the servant returned at dinner time, she was glad to leave.

Amélie had the pill in her pocket. She blessed the elephant-headed man for creating a gorgeous summer dress with pockets. The jinni woman was already waiting on the balcony. She sat at the wrought iron cafe table, looking at a fashion magazine. The magazine was difficult to manage with the large rings on her bony fingers and layers of gold chains on her wrists. She looked up.

"So, are you ready to bargain?" she said as she reached down for a cup that wasn't there. "Where is my coffee?"

The terrier servant scurried in with a tray. He whimpered with his tail dragging.

"Never mind the excuses," said the jinni, "Pour it."

The nervous creature placed a cup in front of the enchantress and lifted the coffee pot.

"What about my guest?" she questioned. "Honestly, you need more training."

The servant whimpered again as he nervously placed another cup on the table, but almost spilled the coffee pot.

"I have it," replied Amélie, taking the coffee pot. "It is a strange day, isn't it?"

The servant wagged his tail, not lifting his eyes.

Amélie poured the coffee for the jinni with the grace of years of dance training. Then she poured her own glass. She was about to return the coffee pot to the tray, but was stopped.

"Leave it on the table," said Lilith.

Amélie nodded and obeyed. "May I sit?" she asked.

The jinni smiled at the implication of authority such a request gives. The smile was almost as subconscious as the implication.

"Please do," she replied.

"I am ready to negotiate," said Amélie. "You know that I want to go home. Did you know that I am a dancer who can't dance?”

Amélie paused and felt her hand and pocket. They were empty as they should be. The question was whether she had been able to slip the pill into the coffee cup. Was her aim accurate enough, and did the pill stick to her palm when it wasn't supposed to?

"Go on," said Lilith, tapping the table next to the cup of coffee.

"I want to dance more," said Amélie. "You said you can do anything. If I tell you about our secret plot, will you fix my leg?"

The tacky jinni smiled. "The cost of your legs is nothing to me. I will give you new legs that will let you dance forever. My gifts come with immortality attached."

Amélie stared at the cups of coffee. Why hasn't the jinni drunk hers yet? Amélie decided to take a sip of her own to see if that would cause the jinni to sip, too.

After a long sip, Amélie spoke. "Would those be human legs? I don't want to look like a freak."

"Does it matter?" replied Lilith. "You will have everything you want most."

Finally, the jinni took a sip of her coffee. Amélie waited anxiously. Nothing happened.

"I don't know about that," said Amélie. Her anxiety was rising every second. Were the pills just some kind of joke? "What animal do you think would be able to dance? Aren't humans unique in their abilities to match music and perform complicated rhythms?"

"I think you would look adorable with the legs of a Persian house cat, don't you think?" said the jinni. "They are very agile and —"

At that moment, Lilith began to shrink down and change color to a solid black. She grunted and shrieked as she curled over, falling out of her chair. The terrier servant yipped and hopped around in both a frightened and excited manner. As Lilith shrank to the size of a shoe box, her body grew four more limbs. She continued to writhing in pain as she shrank even more. When the metamorphosis was complete, she was a black widow spider.

Amélie didn't wait a moment. She grabbed the heeled sandal off her foot, leaped to the other side of the table, and slammed her shoe onto the spider. The cracking, oozing sound made Amélie feel slightly nauseous. She always hated killing bugs. She slammed the shoe down two more times to make sure the jinni was dead.

Her phone rang.

She pulled it out of her pocket. "Hello?"

"Brava, Signorina! But hurry out of the house right now! That villa is going to disappear. I'll pick you up from the dock."

“A head is going to come and collect me?” she thought.

"A… sure. Thanks."

Amélie had learned to trust the voice and rushed down the steps from the balcony patio into the garden. Then, from the garden, she turned right to the dock.

She turned around to look back at the villa. As they fled the house, three animal servants were transforming back into human shapes. The house itself slowly faded from view.

The motor of a small boat grew louder from behind her and was getting nearer. She turned back towards the lake. In the boat stood a gorgeous Italian man dressed in high-fashion athletic wear: shorts and a fitted cotton shirt.

"Buonasera, Signorina!" he shouted as he pulled up to the dock. "Climb in."

"Do I know you?" Amélie asked.

He laughed. "I am the elephant man, and the head in the jar put back together. Do you not recognize me?"

Amélie chuckled nervously. "You're better looking together than apart." She blushed. Did she just tell him that he was hot? He was, though.

He extended his hand towards her, "Thank you, but we should go. I don't know what other magical things she has done, and I don't want to be here as everything gets righted."

She took his hand and climbed into the boat. As he turned the wheel to drive away, he asked, "Where would you like to go? Milan isn't far from here."

"Could we go home… I mean to your villa. I would like to rest."

"Of course," he replied, "There won't be any more magic to frighten or trick you. I am sorry I had to use any on you at all. It took me a long time to learn those tricks from the Jinni."

"Without magic, how would you have gotten me here?" asked Amélie coyly.

He smiled and lifted his phone. “Siri, call Amélie De La Fontaine of the Royal Ballet.”

Amélie laughed as her phone rang.

"Answer," he urged as he drove the boat with one hand.

She obeyed. "Hello?"

"Signorina Amélie, you are the most talented and beautiful dancer I have ever seen. Would you have dinner with me tonight?" He looked back at her and raised his eyebrows.

Amélie gave a flirty smile. "I would be delighted. Thank you for your phone call."

THE END

I had never heard of The Treasure of the City of Ladies until I found it in a used bookstore while looking for medieval literature to help my research for my next novel. Once I read this book, I started to hear about it everywhere. I was not surprised to find it listed among the wisdom literature of the great thinkers of that era. What did surprise me is that I had never heard about Christine De Pizan, a prolific and intelligent female writer, until now. It should be noted that there have been great women throughout history, even during some of the most patriarchal periods. For some reason, it seems as if many feminists waste their time railing against the unfairness of a narrow perception of history rather than diving in and seeing the great female minds that were always there.

The Treasure of the City of Ladies was written in 1404 in the midst of Christine’s many other writings. It should not be mistaken for The Book of the City of Ladies by the same author which is an allegory. The Treasure of the City of Ladies is a book of advice to women of all stations and classes given from the mouths of three ladies of Virtue: Reason, Rectitude, and Justice. The book begins with advice to princesses which is probably the main people who would be able to afford to have a book like this. The advice to princesses in the largest section, but then it goes on to give advice to their governesses and nurses. It then works it’s way down the classes to give advice to the women at court, duchesses, baronesses, nobility, rich widows, merchant wives, artisan wives, maids, farmer’s wives, young women, old women, poor widows, prostitutes, and the poor. The advice is set in the customs and laws of that time in medieval France. It reveals a lot about how people really lived as a great primary source of research. It also has a surprising amount of relevant advice to women today. It is very Christian and focuses heavily on those who take that worldview seriously.

I don't usually read other people’s reviews of books before I write mine, but I was curious this time. I was not surprised to find a huge range of opinions on this book. By far, most people read this book as a historical relic of a past time and past thoughts. Some liked in that context and some hated it. Most saw the book as being irrelevant to today's women. I find this fascinating and sad. Today’s women are not happier and freer because we take on ourselves the responsibility to be everything and do everything. We are not respected or loved more because we are vulgar, ignorant, wasteful, lazy, overworked, or selfish. I am not saying all women today are these things, but Christine is explicitly advising women against these traits. Why would that be irrelevant?

The Treasure of the City of Ladies actually has high expectations of women for any time period. She gives advice for them to obtain a good education in multiple languages, learn about money and budgeting, learn how to defend one’s castle and estate, learn the trade of one’s husband, learn a craft (even as nobility!), and to learn theology. She urges women to be smart, wise, cunning, and economical. Yes, she also advises women to be humble, obedient, quiet, and meek, but the loud foolishness women today post online certainly does not help them. A little humbleness in our society would be a good cure to many evils.

I highly recommend this book to both men and women middle school and up as wisdom literature. Yes, it is good as a primary source for learning about the middle ages too, but if you read this and apply its principles in the same way as reading Confucious or Aristotle, you will have a better life.

In brainstorming ideas for one of my novels, I decided to research the question: Can a person be immune to brainwashing? We have all seen on television, in movies, or even in old books, the trope of someone being brainwashed to do horrendous crimes against their will. It is overused, so I often stay away from it. My villain just seemed the kind of person to try and brainwash my hero, but I was curious how this worked in reality. Other books have their protagonist resist by the strength of their will. Was that how it is done?

No!

I was absolutely shocked by the research I came across. Strong-willed people were not immune to brainwashing; daydreamers were. Often, those resistant to brainwashing were people no one would expect, average-looking people with little to brag about. Why is this?

First, we have to deal with what brainwashing is. Many people over the recent years have argued that true brainwashing doesn’t exist. Just like hypnosis, a person cannot be forced to do something against their foundational beliefs. The term and identification of the phenomenon of brainwashing came from around the time of the Korean War. Prisoners of war were “brainwashed” and then released to their home countries as spies for the Koreans. The same phenomenon was also seen in cults in the US and other organizations. These people did change. They did act in a way that they previously thought was wrong. Something happened to them that changed them.

Brainwashing, like the movies, doesn’t happen. People’s thoughts are not wiped clean and then planted with new thoughts, but what does happen is that a person is put in such a restrictive environment that denies all basic needs until the point that the person either is on the brink of a nervous breakdown or experiences one. Then the captor offers “kindness” such as water or food and slowly breaks down the victim’s foundational beliefs to those that the captor wants. They are convinced and persuaded under pressure to adopt new ideas. Sometimes these new thoughts stick for a lifetime. Sometimes they only last until a healthy lifestyle is restored. It again depends on the person.

As I read this description, I realized that sometimes life events bring people to the point of breaking, even without a captor. We have all heard of people who suffered emotional breakdowns just from trauma in ordinary living. Deaths, illness, financial struggles, and relationship problems produce extraordinary strain. Life can be hard, and at times people break. Depression, anxiety, and PTSD are common. Some people endure a lot in life and stay strong. Some people crumble relatively quickly. So I continued my research, wondering how one would fight this mental breakdown. It stopped being about brainwashing and became more about mental health. How do we endure high stress without falling apart?

The secret is dissociation.

It turns out that people who can disassociate from the circumstances that they are in, do well. This practice is often taught to soldiers in the military to help in case they are captured and tortured. Dissociation is the process of mentally removing yourself from reality and separating your emotions from your circumstances. If not done intentionally, it can be a psychological disorder, but when done intentionally, it provides a brief relief from the pain of reality.

To me, this sounds like escapism literature, my favorite being fantasy. We all have either said or heard someone say that they read or go to the movies to “get away” from life. This act of “getting away” is to remove yourself from reality for a time into a fake world. Escapism is often about ignoring the pain of reality to have a little fun, or just to “veg” for a while. Sounds a little like disassociation right?

Not all entertainment is escapism. Some highlight the painful realities of life, but the popularity of the superhero movies, Harry Potter, Twilight, Game of Thrones, and The Hunger Games shows that escapism is alive and well. I personally remember in some of the darkest times of my life escaping into books to bring relief to my emotions. I read nearly the entire Dresden file series that had been written up to that point, when a loved one was dying. I was often asked how I survived some of what I went through without shutting down, getting a divorce, or turning to substance abuse. I do have a Christian faith that I depend on, but I think I was also provided a way of emotional disassociation through fantasy fiction that helped me bear the emotions. God is not against fantasy; he told parables himself.

From the beginning of human history, we have had folklore, myths, legends, and fairy tales. These are the precursors to our modern fantasy fiction. The ancient world knew they needed an escape from the harsh realities of life. The human mind can only handle so much before breaking and caving in. Some seek relief in substance abuse or unhealthy relationships. Fantasy is a place in which you can be the hero and in control for 300 pages. Perhaps you will never endure the type of stress used in brainwashing, but I think we all can benefit from a bit of fantasy.

This is another old post from 12 years ago. It is fun reviewing all my old travels and inspirations for my novels.

I have been to London twice, and I still haven't seen everything!

This was another stop on my school's whirlwind tour of Europe. I saw Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, the Tower of London with the crown jewels, visited Harrods, and rode a big red bus. I really like the place, but I wouldn't be able to tell you why. I was in and then out.

Over ten years later, I was back with my husband and son so that my husband could attend a conference.

I did a lot of wandering with and without him. I used a little tourist book and explored. I went to museums, parks, shopping areas, saw monuments, rode a boat on the Thames, and ate lots of fast food. I was disappointed by both the Tate and the Tate Modern, but we went twice to the British Museum. We tried doing the shopping thing, but Harrods was overwhelmingly crowded since it was it's once a year sale season, and Convent Gardens wasn't open as early as I got there. We spent all day at the Tower of London, which was great! Saw the changing of the guard, had a picnic in St James Park, attended church at St Paul's Cathedral, and an evening song at Westminster Abbey. We walked by the Globe Theater, various monuments, the London Eye, palaces, the Naval Academy, Parliament, and so many other places.

What was my impression? BUSY. It was crowded, busy, masses of people everywhere. The city is huge. The Underground and trains were crowded to the point of being dangerous. I can't say I love London or hate London. There is just a lot of London there. There are no "must see" places. You just go and see what you like.

I would probably visit again, but not to relax. It took weeks to recover from that trip for all of us!

I found this old post 12 years ago about my time in Paris. My memories of my time there are far more positive than they were at the time. The next time I go to Paris, I'll do the trip better prepared!

I have been to Paris twice and didn't like it either time.

The first time was in high school on a school trip. We were there for two days on a whirlwind tour of Europe. We saw the Eiffel Tower, which was overcrowded and had the same view as any tall building. We had an hour to run through the Louvre, which would have been cooler had we had more time. We visited a perfume museum, and I bought my ultimate favorite perfume, Fragonard by Fragonard. We toured the nauseatingly gaudy Versailles.

We ate some French food that was drowned in some sort of sauce. My memories of the bread and cheese were good, though. In general, I had expected something more. The romantics and the movies made it seem like the place should glitter.

The second time I went to Paris, I went with my husband and one-year-old son. We lived in Paris for a month like locals. We shopped, attended church, and wandered around like the locals. We were able to celebrate our 8th anniversary at a café near the apartment we had rented for a month. The rest of the meals were bought at the local Monoprix, which still cost double our budget anywhere else. I also have to mention I was in the early stages of pregnancy, and it was horribly hot in Paris in August!

We went to most of the same places I visited in high school and quite a bit more. I did enjoy the cathedrals and the museums. We saw the Arc de Triomphe and parts of the various arrondissements. We even strolled down the fashionable Rue du Faubourg Saint-Honoré, the Luxembourg Jardin, and the bridges over the Seine River. I still didn't really get what there was to jump up and down about.

In my opinion, you need to go to Paris to spend money and stay in nice hotels that have central air and heat. If you go with a tight wife-of-a-PhD-student budget, you won't be able to do much. The draw of Paris is the shopping. If you don't like shopping than you won't like Paris. They probably do have some of the best food in the world, but I wouldn't know. You get what you pay for. Paris is not in a hurry. People sit around and watch people. I didn't see people in high fashion, just wearing what they liked, like everyone else.

Don't get me wrong. Paris is not a horrible place, but it isn't on my top 50 to go back to. I just don't mesh with it.

We now cover the concluding chapters of Job. It is very common for many people to read the beginning chapters of Job, skip over much of the middle, and then read the end. This usually ends up giving the wrong impression of the book of Job and its purpose.

In the very first chapters of Job, we are told that he was good and upright. God specifically brings up Job to the satan to be tested. We must keep in mind that there are three people who always tells us the truth in Job: the narrator, God, and Job. This is controversial because many people believe Job says wrong things about God. They come to this conclusion because of an old translation of Job 42:6, which has traditionally said that Job repented in dust and ashes. The Hebrew actually says that Job recants being only dust and ashes (https://www.sefaria.org/Job.42.6?lang=bi&with=Translations). I will explain the issues in translating this verse when we get there. Secondly, though, God tells Job’s friends explicitly in 42:7 that Job spoke the truth.

The controversial points of Job’s own words come in his laments, which are similar to laments in Psalms and Lamentations, in which Job says that God has turned against him. Is this really false? Is not a test when a teacher challenges you and comes against you? You see this more when you are in martial arts, and a good teacher physically fights you as an enemy to test you. Yet, even in testing, Job glorifies God.

Still, my view of the reliability of Job's words is contrary to what 90% of preachers and commentators commonly say about Job.

Even so, in the book of Job, we then get a total of nine speeches by Job’s friends who each progressively intensify their assertions that Job must have done something wrong to deserve his hardship. They all believe in the sovereignty of God and speak many truthful things about how good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people, but they refuse to look at the exceptions. When Job disagrees, they start by accusing Job of sins of omission - the fact that he did not do good things for the poor and needy when the opportunity came to him. As Job refutes this, his friends accuse him of more severe sins until the last speech, in which he is counted among the wicked and accused of blaspheming against God.

At the end, God shows up as the last in the intensification of the debate and the final word on the matter. This is where we begin this last devotional on the book of Job.

Job 38

1 Then the LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said,

Most commentaries take this as God coming in a physical whirlwind, which is probably true since God showing up in storms happens in Genesis and in Kings. Still, I know from my own experiences in hardships that the hardship itself feels like you are trapped in a whirlwind. It would be consistent with scripture and this verse to say that God showed up in the midst of the whirlwind of Job’s hardships. God shows up where we are because we cannot get to him. He shows up in the middle of the storm for the disciples in the gospels to calm the storms multiple times. Yes, as most commentators say, God does show up in his full power, which is intimidating, but he didn't do it to bully Job into humbleness. God showed up in his power to comfort Job in the midst of his pain.

2 Who is this that darkeneth counsel by words without knowledge?

This verse is hotly debated, and I ended up looking at at least 8 different online commentaries for clarity. The reason I found this verse so baffling is that God addresses himself to Job and asks a question that sounds like he doesn't know who Job is when he calls Job his servant in chapter 1. Then this verse seems to imply Job has talked ignorantly (darkens again means ignorance, like in Elihu’speech), yet says in 42:7 that Job has spoken rightly.

What I discovered is that half the commentaries think that God is referring to Job himself in a bullying sort of way, and half of the commentaries think that God is asking Job about Elihu. I am definitely in the Elihu camp, even though most ministers I respect seem to take the opposing view. It seems to me odd that God interrupts Elihu’s long rant without Job being able to give an answer. If we follow the progression of intensification happening in the book, Job has already given his long reply, and nothing can be more intense than God himself speaking for this final reply in the place of Job's turn. This then makes the verse fit more with what comes in the rest of the book. God is dismissing Elihi’s argument, and, in the following verse, says to Job that instead of wrestling with his ignorant friends, it’s time to wrestle with God.

3 Gird up now thy loins like a man; for I will demand of thee, and answer thou me.

“Grinding up one’s lions” is a phrase you see over and over again when men were getting ready for war. It can also be used figuratively for getting ready to debate. It really deflates the meaning of this verse when it is translated “dress like a man.” So many people make it sound like God is going to smack Job down into place. Yes, Job is going to be humbled. Everyone is humbled before God, but what God is offering is for Job to have a chance to wrestle directly with him, just like how Jacob wrestles with an angel in the book of Genesis. Even though this wrestling is very one-sided, like a toddler wrestling with his father, this is often what we really need as we process and deal with suffering.

4 Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? declare, if thou hast understanding.
5 Who hath laid the measures thereof, if thou knowest? or who hath stretched the line upon it?
6 Whereupon are the foundations thereof fastened? or who laid the corner stone thereof;
7 When the morning stars sang together, and all the sons of God shouted for joy?

Oftentimes, we Christians have a “God of the gaps” theology. We will say that what we cannot explain in the universe is where God is. That is nonsense. Does that mean once we learn something, God gets smaller? God is in everything we know and don’t know.

Here God asks if Job was there when he created the universe or if he can hang the planets. God describes stars singing and heavenly beings rejoicing over the magnificence of God’s work. So, in other words, God is demonstrating that he is the ultimate creator God over the universe and before there was time. When our problems seem too big and too complex, God is bigger.

8 Or who shut up the sea with doors, when it brake forth, as if it had issued out of the womb?
9 When I made the cloud the garment thereof, and thick darkness a swaddlingband for it,
10 And brake up for it my decreed place, and set bars and doors,
11 And said, Hitherto shalt thou come, but no further: and here shall thy proud waves be stayed?

God now points to the oceans and shows Job that he is stronger than the sea and keeps it in order. This is especially important because in the ancient mind, we see both in Genesis 1 and in various mythologies that the sea is often portrayed as chaos in physical form. The fact that God can create order out of chaos can be applied to the chaos in our own lives.

12 Hast thou commanded the morning since thy days; and caused the dayspring to know his place;
13 That it might take hold of the ends of the earth, that the wicked might be shaken out of it?
14 It is turned as clay to the seal; and they stand as a garment.
15 And from the wicked their light is withholden, and the high arm shall be broken.

This is a difficult translation, so I have read a few other translations to clarify it. God is talking about his power over the daylight. As the sun comes up, it illuminates the formless-looking earth so that you can see the details of the world, just like formless clay suddenly has clear details when you press a metal seal into it. The daylight also has the added effect of making wicked people hide because crimes are more often done at night when the criminal can not be seen. God is showing how he is greater than the daylight in illuminating truth.

16 Hast thou entered into the springs of the sea? or hast thou walked in the search of the depth?
17 Have the gates of death been opened unto thee? or hast thou seen the doors of the shadow of death?
18 Hast thou perceived the breadth of the earth? declare if thou knowest it all.

God uses the depth of the sea, the realm of the dead, and the size of the earth to illustrate his ability to both know everything and see everywhere.

19 Where is the way where light dwelleth? and as for darkness, where is the place thereof,
20 That thou shouldest take it to the bound thereof, and that thou shouldest know the paths to the house thereof?
21 Knowest thou it, because thou wast then born? or because the number of thy days is great?
22 Hast thou entered into the treasures of the snow? or hast thou seen the treasures of the hail,
23 Which I have reserved against the time of trouble, against the day of battle and war?

Even in ancient times, people knew that light, darkness, snow, and hail were not stored in houses. It is a fun image used in folklore and myths, but the ancient world was very perceptive about how the natural world worked. What God is saying here is that we humans can’t just pull these things out of nothing. We must use what is in nature already to make a place bright or dark. We can’t make it hail or snow (as in real weather) even today. Seeding clouds cannot really make clouds do anything; they just try to push a natural process into a certain tendency at some point. So, God is showing how he creates from nothing. He does the impossible.

24 By what way is the light parted, which scattereth the east wind upon the earth?
25 Who hath divided a watercourse for the overflowing of waters, or a way for the lightning of thunder;
26 To cause it to rain on the earth, where no man is; on the wilderness, wherein there is no man;
27 To satisfy the desolate and waste ground; and to cause the bud of the tender herb to spring forth?
28 Hath the rain a father? or who hath begotten the drops of dew?
29 Out of whose womb came the ice? and the hoary frost of heaven, who hath gendered it?
30 The waters are hid as with a stone, and the face of the deep is frozen.

Water is a remarkable substance. Even though we know all about it, we did not give it the properties or the ability to do what it does. God created it to do certain tasks, just like we are made for a specific purpose.

31 Canst thou bind the sweet influences of Pleiades, or loose the bands of Orion?
32 Canst thou bring forth Mazzaroth in his season? or canst thou guide Arcturus with his sons?
33 Knowest thou the ordinances of heaven? canst thou set the dominion thereof in the earth?
34 Canst thou lift up thy voice to the clouds, that abundance of waters may cover thee?
35 Canst thou send lightnings, that they may go, and say unto thee, Here we are?
36 Who hath put wisdom in the inward parts? or who hath given understanding to the heart?
37 Who can number the clouds in wisdom? or who can stay the bottles of heaven,
38 When the dust groweth into hardness, and the clods cleave fast together?

God ordered nature and implanted wisdom and virtue into the fabric of it. He is not the clockmaker God who set everything in order and left. No, he continues to keep things in order and has a grand plan in which everything has its purpose.

39 Wilt thou hunt the prey for the lion? or fill the appetite of the young lions,
40 When they couch in their dens, and abide in the covert to lie in wait?
41 Who provideth for the raven his food? when his young ones cry unto God, they wander for lack of meat.

God feeds even the animals. Will he not feed us? Sometimes we think we are the source of our own sustenance, but food for the animals and us just exists on this planet. We didn't put it here. God is providing for our needs.

Job 39

1 Knowest thou the time when the wild goats of the rock bring forth? or canst thou mark when the hinds do calve?
2 Canst thou number the months that they fulfil? or knowest thou the time when they bring forth?
3 They bow themselves, they bring forth their young ones, they cast out their sorrows.
4 Their young ones are in good liking, they grow up with corn; they go forth, and return not unto them.

Instead of focusing on the grand scale of the universe and natural phenomena, God now focuses on individual animals. Job has had lots of livestock, so he knows about goats, but God is asking if he knows the wild goats. In other words, God sees everything, including every aspect of the wild animal's lives. If God cares for the wild animals, he certainly cares for us as well.

5 Who hath sent out the wild ass free? or who hath loosed the bands of the wild ass?
6 Whose house I have made the wilderness, and the barren land his dwellings.
7 He scorneth the multitude of the city, neither regardeth he the crying of the driver.
8 The range of the mountains is his pasture, and he searcheth after every green thing.

God shows Job how he takes care of the wild donkey and gives him all he needs without people or cities. God can take care of us, too.

9 Will the unicorn be willing to serve thee, or abide by thy crib?
10 Canst thou bind the unicorn with his band in the furrow? or will he harrow the valleys after thee?
11 Wilt thou trust him, because his strength is great? or wilt thou leave thy labour to him?
12 Wilt thou believe him, that he will bring home thy seed, and gather it into thy barn?

The name of the unicorn in ancient times often referred to a rhinoceros, and this is what the KJV points to. The New American Commentary says it is the wild oxen. This makes sense because the focus of its strength is the absurd idea of trying to harness a rhinoceros to a plow or a mill. God is far stronger than a rhino.

13 Gavest thou the goodly wings unto the peacocks? or wings and feathers unto the ostrich?
14 Which leaveth her eggs in the earth, and warmeth them in dust,
15 And forgetteth that the foot may crush them, or that the wild beast may break them.
16 She is hardened against her young ones, as though they were not hers: her labour is in vain without fear;
17 Because God hath deprived her of wisdom, neither hath he imparted to her understanding.
18 What time she lifteth up herself on high, she scorneth the horse and his rider.

God shows how he gives and takes away wisdom from the animals. He is demonstrating that all our wisdom is God-given. We are far more limited in our abilities than we like to think we are in understanding all that is happening in the world.

19 Hast thou given the horse strength? hast thou clothed his neck with thunder?
20 Canst thou make him afraid as a grasshopper? the glory of his nostrils is terrible.
21 He paweth in the valley, and rejoiceth in his strength: he goeth on to meet the armed men.
22 He mocketh at fear, and is not affrighted; neither turneth he back from the sword.
23 The quiver rattleth against him, the glittering spear and the shield.
24 He swalloweth the ground with fierceness and rage: neither believeth he that it is the sound of the trumpet.
25 He saith among the trumpets, Ha, ha; and he smelleth the battle afar off, the thunder of the captains, and the shouting.

Courage is another virtue that comes from God directly and this is demonstrated by the horse. We are incapable of putting strength and courage into the horse. We can only make use of what God has already given them.

26 Doth the hawk fly by thy wisdom, and stretch her wings toward the south?
27 Doth the eagle mount up at thy command, and make her nest on high?
28 She dwelleth and abideth on the rock, upon the crag of the rock, and the strong place.
29 From thence she seeketh the prey, and her eyes behold afar off.
30 Her young ones also suck up blood: and where the slain are, there is she.

God shows Job that by his wisdom, the eagles and hawks know what to do. When we are in a relationship with God, we can ask him for wisdom. This too is a comforting thought because we all go through times in our hardships in which we do not know what to do.

Job 40

1 Moreover the LORD answered Job, and said,
2 Shall he that contendeth with the Almighty instruct him? he that reproveth God, let him answer it.

God had invited Job to come and debate him and wrestle with him rather that his friends. Now, God has given his first speech and invites Job to respond. Many translations have the sound of anger in God's words. Perhaps this is the case, but I also see this as an invitation for Job to speak honestly with God. If God intended to bully or intimidate Job, he did not have to speak to Job. Throughout the Bible, God deals harshly to those he is angry with who are not his people and usually speaks to them through prophets. It is only with those who are his servants and prophets that he speaks to directly even when angry, such as Adam, Sarah, Jonah, Jacob, David, and Elijah.

3 Then Job answered the LORD, and said,
4 Behold, I am vile; what shall I answer thee? I will lay mine hand upon my mouth.
5 Once have I spoken; but I will not answer: yea, twice; but I will proceed no further.

The word "vile" is such an odd choice here. The Hebrew literally means "of light weight" and my commentaries all replace it with words like "small" or "unworthy". The ESV says, "I am of small account." Job's reply is in humbleness that he has nothing else to say. God has completely awed Job by his wisdom, provision, power, divine plan, and attentiveness revealed in the way God has made the world that Job is satisfied. This is not God intimidating Job into silence. It is more like when we are hurting, and we receive comfort in watching a sunrise or sunset. Many people feel awed and small as they see mountains for the first time because of their awesome beauty. Other people may feel hope as they walk along an abandoned beach. I have met many artists who have been struck by the complexity of a single leaf or a blade of grass and realized that no human could create something so intricate and beautiful.

Yet, even though Job has been comforted and satisfied in ways his friends never could comfort him, God doesn't stop. Just like at the end of the book, in which Job is blessed with double, God gives Job even more comfort than what he thinks he needs.

6 Then answered the LORD unto Job out of the whirlwind, and said,
7 Gird up thy loins now like a man: I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me.

This is a repetition of God's invitation to Job to prepare for battle to debate with him. Again, many people take this invitation as God being sarcastic, as though he wants Job to be silenced. I believe it is again a sincere invitation to Job to speak honestly from his heart to God. God is not afraid of anything we would say to him. He wants us to bring our complaints directly to him. This is what a relationship is about.

8 Wilt thou also disannul my judgment? wilt thou condemn me, that thou mayest be righteous?
9 Hast thou an arm like God? or canst thou thunder with a voice like him?
10 Deck thyself now with majesty and excellency; and array thyself with glory and beauty.
11 Cast abroad the rage of thy wrath: and behold every one that is proud, and abase him.
12 Look on every one that is proud, and bring him low; and tread down the wicked in their place.
13 Hide them in the dust together; and bind their faces in secret.
14 Then will I also confess unto thee that thine own right hand can save thee.

I really love this passage. Again, I do not take this as sarcastic or passive-aggressiveness in which God is trying to intimidate Job. No, God is saying to Job that he can try to be a god, but what he will find is that he cannot do it. We often try to take ownership of everything around us and control it, but find that we just fail. We are not gods. We cannot save ourselves. No matter how powerful we get, how much money we have, or how much influence we exert over other people, we cannot save ourselves in the end. When we finally let God be God, and we take refuge in his power, strength, wisdom, and love, we find peace. It is a good thing not be a god. I certainly would hate to have a god as prone to making a mess of things as I can do for myself.

15 Behold now behemoth, which I made with thee; he eateth grass as an ox.
16 Lo now, his strength is in his loins, and his force is in the navel of his belly.
17 He moveth his tail like a cedar: the sinews of his stones are wrapped together.
18 His bones are as strong pieces of brass; his bones are like bars of iron.
19 He is the chief of the ways of God: he that made him can make his sword to approach unto him.
20 Surely the mountains bring him forth food, where all the beasts of the field play.
21 He lieth under the shady trees, in the covert of the reed, and fens.
22 The shady trees cover him with their shadow; the willows of the brook compass him about.
23 Behold, he drinketh up a river, and hasteth not: he trusteth that he can draw up Jordan into his mouth.
24 He taketh it with his eyes: his nose pierceth through snares.

Some people say this is the hippopotamus, and others say the elephant. I grew up hearing people say that this was a dinosaur. The problem with saying it is a hippopotamus is the description of the tail. Those who support the idea of it being an elephant translate the word for tail as trunk. My commentaries continually went back and forth on what animal this was, but they seemed to lean more towards it being an elephant as chief among God's creation in verse 19. The reason for this is the use of the elephant as a war animal. The next part of verse 19 can also say "he that made him gave him sword to approach with," which could describe his tusks used in war. The mountains bringing forth food is seen as describing the Nile River flowing from between hills to the place where farm animals such as oxen could benefit from it. Verse 24 is also baffling in this translation, but my commentaries explain that it says that you cannot capture an elephant when it sees you and cannot lead it away with a ring in its nose like a farm animal.

None of my commentaries talks about why God has mentioned any of His creations. All of that is my observation. Here, I had to ponder why God would bring up a war elephant since we don't have a question to point to what God is trying to emphasize. Looking at all of God's second speech together, including the next very long passage on the Leviathan, God started out by telling us his point by telling Job he is not a god. If even an elephant is mightier than us, how much greater is God? Also, how limited are we?

Job 41

1 Canst thou draw out leviathan with an hook? or his tongue with a cord which thou lettest down?
2 Canst thou put an hook into his nose? or bore his jaw through with a thorn?
3 Will he make many supplications unto thee? will he speak soft words unto thee?
4 Will he make a covenant with thee? wilt thou take him for a servant for ever?
5 Wilt thou play with him as with a bird? or wilt thou bind him for thy maidens?
6 Shall the companions make a banquet of him? shall they part him among the merchants?
7 Canst thou fill his skin with barbed irons? or his head with fish spears?
8 Lay thine hand upon him, remember the battle, do no more.
9 Behold, the hope of him is in vain: shall not one be cast down even at the sight of him?
10 None is so fierce that dare stir him up: who then is able to stand before me?
11 Who hath prevented me, that I should repay him? whatsoever is under the whole heaven is mine.
12 I will not conceal his parts, nor his power, nor his comely proportion.
13 Who can discover the face of his garment? or who can come to him with his double bridle?
14 Who can open the doors of his face? his teeth are terrible round about.
15 His scales are his pride, shut up together as with a close seal.
16 One is so near to another, that no air can come between them.
17 They are joined one to another, they stick together, that they cannot be sundered.
18 By his neesings a light doth shine, and his eyes are like the eyelids of the morning.
19 Out of his mouth go burning lamps, and sparks of fire leap out.
20 Out of his nostrils goeth smoke, as out of a seething pot or caldron.
21 His breath kindleth coals, and a flame goeth out of his mouth.
22 In his neck remaineth strength, and sorrow is turned into joy before him.
23 The flakes of his flesh are joined together: they are firm in themselves; they cannot be moved.
24 His heart is as firm as a stone; yea, as hard as a piece of the nether millstone.
25 When he raiseth up himself, the mighty are afraid: by reason of breakings they purify themselves.
26 The sword of him that layeth at him cannot hold: the spear, the dart, nor the habergeon.
27 He esteemeth iron as straw, and brass as rotten wood.
28 The arrow cannot make him flee: slingstones are turned with him into stubble.
29 Darts are counted as stubble: he laugheth at the shaking of a spear.
30 Sharp stones are under him: he spreadeth sharp pointed things upon the mire.
31 He maketh the deep to boil like a pot: he maketh the sea like a pot of ointment.
32 He maketh a path to shine after him; one would think the deep to be hoary.
33 Upon earth there is not his like, who is made without fear.
34 He beholdeth all high things: he is a king over all the children of pride.

This entire chapter is about one animal. The New American Commentary and The Pulpit Commentary lean towards this being a crocodile with hyperbolic imagery of it breathing fire (v 19-21). Ugaritic literature describes a dragon-like beast called Lotan that may be similar to the leviathan. Mathew Henry's Commentary believes it is a whale, which was my first impression too. The problem is that this beast has scales, so it would have to be a large fish like in the book of Jonah. In popular culture, the leviathan is used for sea monsters, sea serpents, or water demons. The Leviathan is also mentioned in Psalm 104:26, Psalm 74:14, Isaiah 27:1, Ezekiel 29:3-4, and Ezekiel 32:3. Bochart says the Hebrew for Leviathan literally means, "the coupled dragon/serpent. Some people like the romantic notion of it being a dragon, while others recoil at the idea of it being a mythological creature in the Bible.

No matter what it is, it is clear that it is a created beast of the earth and not some kind of spiritual being. It is a beast that humanity could not kill, capture, nor domesticate. God is saying that if a created beast cannot be controlled by humanity, what makes us think we can control God? Today, we use far more machines and guns to bring down large animals and dominate all the creatures of the earth, but we still do not know for certain all the creatures of the sea, and some live too deep for us to discover. Even if humanity were able to dominate every animal on this planet (I still think the cockroach will outwit us in the end), we cannot dominate God. We cannot make God submit to our will, and we cannot trick him as people do to Satan in fairy tales. This is actually a good thing, again. When I am in a hardship and cannot fix it, I want to know that God is bigger and more powerful than me and my problems.

Job 42

1 Then Job answered the LORD, and said,
2 I know that thou canst do every thing, and that no thought can be withholden from thee.
3 Who is he that hideth counsel without knowledge? therefore have I uttered that I understood not; things too wonderful for me, which I knew not.
4 Hear, I beseech thee, and I will speak: I will demand of thee, and declare thou unto me.
5 I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eye seeth thee.
6 Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.

The JPS translation mostly used by Jews says, “Therefore, I recant and relent,
Being but dust and ashes.”

After looking at tons of Christian translations, commentaries, the original Hebrew, and scholarly articles, I am convinced JPS is the correct translation of this verse. According to one article, the only reason most Bibles still have that Job repents is because that was the way it was translated in the Septuagint, and no one has bothered to correct it. A Bible scholar told me that these sorts of translation issues do happen. Most of the time, it does not change the significance of a verse much, but sometimes, like here, it does. The term “dust and ashes” only happens in the Bible three times. Many people get it mixed up with the idiom “sackcloth and ashes,” which is used a lot as a sign of mourning or repentance. “Dust and ashes” indicate human mortality because we were made from dust in Genesis. Then we have the word “repent” or “recant/relent” by itself. The translators added either “of my life” or “of my words” to “repent,” assuming that is what he means. This translation just rephrased that.

The main reason I feel this is important is that Job humbly rests his case and is satisfied by God’s answer. He is not sorry for questioning God, but he does see how much bigger God’s plans and purposes are than he can understand. Entire sermons have been based on this verse to say we should not question God, but if that were true, we would have to remove half of the Psalms and many words from various heroes of the Bible, including Jesus himself. Jesus said on the cross, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” As we know, though, God did not forsake anyone. He had a cosmic plan for our ultimate and eternal good. Unlike the sermons that say God never really answers Job, this verse says that yes, God did answer, and Job is satisfied by it.

So what was God's answer? He didn't give a flat straight forward simplistic answer, the way Job's friends did. Much of what they said was true, generally about how the world tended to work ideally, but it was very narrow and not true about Job's specific situation. Instead, God demonstrated the complexity of his relationship with nature, the universe, and time. The point was that God has a plan in which everything, large and small, plays a part. God is bigger than the universe, sets time into motion, controls the seasons and passing of time, cares for each individual animal's needs, imparts wisdom and takes it away, and is not controlled by mankind. Rather than being an algorithm in which good actions bring good things and bad actions bring bad things, God is instead in a relationship with the world in which sometimes things happen we don't understand. Still, we can know for certain that God is a good God who is in control. He will bring about good in the end.

So why did these bad things have to happen to Job? It is very clear that it isn't always for the very same purpose for everyone, but in verse 7, Job says that he had heard of God, but now he sees him. Many people are transformed by hardships to see the world in a completely different way. It is only through the hard times that the stuff we are made of, both virtue and vice, is most clearly seen. It is also through the hard times that we can more clearly see the power of God rather than our own efforts or the illusions of the world's narratives. When things become about life and death, it is hard to be content with the shallow rat race of materialism. It is easier to see what is most important in life. Hardships and trials bring about a new vision.

Rabbi Yitzchak Breitowitz has some good points in his lecture here on YouTube: https://youtu.be/e9LB47o4Q9M?si=FQ087XGByTkEvLnp

Dr. Wright also has some good thoughts on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/GLOzo7pct9Y?si=lt6wJQbiKT1EGY7U

7 And it was so, that after the LORD had spoken these words unto Job, the LORD said to Eliphaz the Temanite, My wrath is kindled against thee, and against thy two friends: for ye have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job hath.

As I have researched Job through this whole series of devotionals, I have come across countless sermons that have declared that Job's speeches are full of errors and that Job's friends are right. It baffles me to no end. God in the Bible is always telling us, the reader, the complete truth. If God says Job spoke correctly about him and his friends were wrong, then that is the truth. If we cannot believe the truth of these words, the book of Job makes no sense at all. If both Job and his friends are wrong, then nothing in the conversations between Job and his friends can be useful. We need to know what to believe in the book of Job to make sense.

We are told by God that Job spoke right, and so all the conversation in Job must be seen in this light. The great error that Job's friends were saying about God is that God is a static formula. God is fair and just, but he is also interested in our growth and development. His world is complex, not simple. We might go through trials and hardships for many reasons other than our sinfulness and self-inflicted foolishness.

As a mother of special needs children, I know beyond any doubt that my children were born with their disabilities from causes that had nothing to do with my actions nor theirs. It was genetic and God-given. Exodus 4:11-12 says, "And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? Or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD?" God made them with their disabilities, not Satan, and not by accident. It was not a punishment for anyone's sin. Those who preach incorrectly about God do not have these children in mind. What the book of Job says is that God has a plan for my children that will bring about good for them in their lives. This does not mean their lives or my life will be easy, but it does mean that God will provide, sustain, bless, and guide us. In the end, whether in this world or the next, there will be a reward beyond what can be imagined.

8 Therefore take unto you now seven bullocks and seven rams, and go to my servant Job, and offer up for yourselves a burnt offering; and my servant Job shall pray for you: for him will I accept: lest I deal with you after your folly, in that ye have not spoken of me the thing which is right, like my servant Job.
9 So Eliphaz the Temanite and Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite went, and did according as the LORD commanded them: the LORD also accepted Job.

Again, God is emphasizing who spoke right about God. Job's friends are instructed to humble themselves before Job and ask him to speak to God for them. I am amazed at how this section gets ignored. God is not just a little irritated at Job's friends, but angry enough that he demands a sacrifice, and not by them who are guilty, but by a righteous advocate. Also, we see that even though Job's friends said also sorts of harsh and untrue things, Job has forgiven them. These are not Job's enemies as some claim. They are his friends, and friends can make mistakes. Job doesn't just throw them out or allow them to reap God's anger. Jesus told his followers to pray for those who hurt you. Even in the midst of our pain and hardship, we are called on to do the even harder thing of praying for those who say and think the worst of us.

10 And the LORD turned the captivity of Job, when he prayed for his friends: also the LORD gave Job twice as much as he had before.
11 Then came there unto him all his brethren, and all his sisters, and all they that had been of his acquaintance before, and did eat bread with him in his house: and they bemoaned him, and comforted him over all the evil that the LORD had brought upon him: every man also gave him a piece of money, and every one an earring of gold.

I find the term "captivity" remarkable here. As Job had gone through his difficulties, everyone had turned against him. Apparently, this was also part of his testing and trial. When God had decided that Job's testing was done, suddenly everyone's hearts were changed to compassion. I have often been angry during difficult times at how everyone seems heartless and cold, but this, too, is part of God's plan. It is hard not to get bitter at family, friends, and the church for not being there for you. Yet, it isn't by their hands that we are helped or comforted. It is only when God allows it to come. Does this mean everything is God's fault? Yes! But also remember that we need to go directly to God in prayer and wrestle with him and his purposes. There is a reason. There is a plan. It is not easy, simple, or fun. Pain is not a good thing that we are supposed to enjoy in some twisted version of piety. Just like Job, David, and Christ, pain will bring about good for those who put their trust in God.

12 So the LORD blessed the latter end of Job more than his beginning: for he had fourteen thousand sheep, and six thousand camels, and a thousand yoke of oxen, and a thousand she asses.
13 He had also seven sons and three daughters.

God doubles all of Job's possessions, but he does not give him double more children. Why? Because even though his previous children died, they still have an eternal existence in heaven. Job had been very concerned for their spiritual lives and sacrificed regularly for them. It is clear in the book of Hebrews that Paul believed that those in the Old Testament were saved by faith in that which was to come just as much as those after Christ are saved in the work of God's forgiveness, which was revealed to us. Job's first children still existed in eternity and were not replaced by new children. Job's new children doubled Job's blessedness.

14 And he called the name of the first, Jemima; and the name of the second, Kezia; and the name of the third, Kerenhappuch.
15 And in all the land were no women found so fair as the daughters of Job: and their father gave them inheritance among their brethren.

Names are very important in the Bible. It is interesting that the daughters' names are given and not the sons’. Jemima means "fair as the day", Kezia is the name of a spice similar to cinnamon, and Kerenhappuch means "the horn of stibium" with stibium being a beautifying ointment to give luster to women's eyes. All three of these names have to do with beauty. Not only were they given beautiful names, but they were also beautiful, and Job was rich enough to give them the very rare inheritance for women. This also shows Job being a good father to his daughters, even though he had sons to carry on his name.

16 After this lived Job an hundred and forty years, and saw his sons, and his sons' sons, even four generations.
17 So Job died, being old and full of days.

My husband, Dr. Kerry Lee, wrote his PhD thesis on the importance of the death narratives in Genesis. It was extremely important to the ancient world to live a long life and see one's descendants. In Greek and Roman times, dying a heroic death in battle was highly prized, but this was not the way the Old Testament Bible felt. Job had the ideal death.

This study of the book of Job has been very personal, but also long and difficult. I have defended Job's position from 90% of the church resources that criticize him because I have felt Job's words myself as I have gone through very dark days. Close to the beginning of this study, I have said many times that we are often Job's friends to ourselves. The dialogue between Job and his friends is sometimes the same debate we have with ourselves as the world seems to crumble around us. Did I do something wrong? Did I cause this? Does God hate me? Am I more evil than those around me who are doing great? Why me? All these questions and struggles are normal. The book of Job should be a book of comfort to those who are wrestling with hardship and not a book of condemnation. It should give us hope in a powerful God who has a plan. It should let us know that God will answer us when we call on him. It should show us that God is not afraid or angered by our true feelings. Last of all, it should remind us that God will make things right in the end.

I hope that if you are struggling, hurting, or going through a trial, this devotional gives you hope. You are not alone. God sees you and hears you. My prayer is that you may be blessed in the end like Job.

Continuing my revisit of old posts, this is another old post from 12 years ago. It is another place of inspiration for my novels.

This is one of the most interesting places in the world to me!

Trier has some of the best Roman ruins outside of Italy. Our family went there in June of this year and had a fabulous time. The Porta Nigra is a Roman gate turned church, turned into other things, and then a tourist attraction. From there, we stepped into a carnival of vendors, sights from all parts of German history, a cathedral, a palace, two Roman baths, and a huge basilica.

This little town couldn't shove more sights into a smaller area if it tried. If you ever do go visit, pay for a map and see if you can get your hands on a tourist book. All these places are within walking distance of each other. My one-year-old son loved hobbling all over and trying various types of German junk food, and we enjoyed our stroll through history.

Again, I have another long post for this portion of the book of Job. This time, I am covering all of Elihu, which is the longest of Job’s friends’ speeches at 6 chapters long. Eliphaz and Bildad have both spoken three times with Job answering them. Instead of Zophar giving his third speech, it is replaced by a new character. Elihu has not even been mentioned before this point in the book. Elihu is younger than the rest of the characters, which is why he spoke respectfully last, but he is full of youthful passion, anger, and coolness.

As we read on, we must always keep in mind the statements from chapter 1 of Job, in that Job was righteous and that God was pleased with him before all the bad things happened to him. Job's friends are accusing Job of doing evil, not because they have seen it, but because he is suffering. They have presented cases based on observations that bad things happen to bad people and good things happen to good people. This argument would be supported by most wisdom literature and even much of scripture, but we know that this is not the case here. We must read all the following statements as not true or false based on the typical or average situations, but as being true or false based on Job's specific case.

Job 32

1 So these three men ceased to answer Job, because he was righteous in his own eyes.

Job’s friends show wisdom here. When you are trying to teach children, you can make them do what you believe is best for them to teach them until they can decide on their own, but when you are dealing with another adult, you can give your advice when appropriate and then let them make their own choices. Job’s friends do not seem to have abandoned him even though they disagree with Job, but they do stop giving their opinions. This is the right thing to do. Job knows what they think. Even though the book seems a little repetitive, it really just poetically explores the various points of view and then stops there.

2 Then was kindled the wrath of Elihu the son of Barachel the Buzite, of the kindred of Ram: against Job was his wrath kindled, because he justified himself rather than God.
3 Also against his three friends was his wrath kindled, because they had found no answer, and yet had condemned Job.
4 Now Elihu had waited till Job had spoken, because they were elder than he.
5 When Elihu saw that there was no answer in the mouth of these three men, then his wrath was kindled.

Apparently, Elihu was very angry because it was repeated. Elihu is a younger man, and the passion he shows reminds me of my late teens or early twenties. He may be older than this, but it doesn't say. All it says is that he is younger than the men who had been speaking. Yet, I remember how difficult it was for me in my younger years to stay quiet when I felt passionate about something. Elihu also does not have the wisdom to drop a subject that has been well explored. He still believes that a person can make other people do their will.

6 And Elihu the son of Barachel the Buzite answered and said, I am young, and ye are very old; wherefore I was afraid, and durst not shew you mine opinion.
7 I said, Days should speak, and multitude of years should teach wisdom.
8 But there is a spirit in man: and the inspiration of the Almighty giveth them understanding.
9 Great men are not always wise: neither do the aged understand judgment.
10 Therefore I said, Hearken to me; I also will shew mine opinion.
11 Behold, I waited for your words; I gave ear to your reasons, whilst ye searched out what to say.
12 Yea, I attended unto you, and, behold, there was none of you that convinced Job, or that answered his words:
13 Lest ye should say, We have found out wisdom: God thrusteth him down, not man.
14 Now he hath not directed his words against me: neither will I answer him with your speeches.
15 They were amazed, they answered no more: they left off speaking.
16 When I had waited, (for they spake not, but stood still, and answered no more;)
17 I said, I will answer also my part, I also will shew mine opinion.
18 For I am full of matter, the spirit within me constraineth me.
19 Behold, my belly is as wine which hath no vent; it is ready to burst like new bottles.
20 I will speak, that I may be refreshed: I will open my lips and answer.
21 Let me not, I pray you, accept any man's person, neither let me give flattering titles unto man.
22 For I know not to give flattering titles; in so doing my maker would soon take me away.

Elihu tries to show that he respects the older men and had tried to stay silent in respect, but then goes on to say that they are not wise. He now has the presumption to teach the old and to put everyone in their place. It is true that young people can be more wise that some old people, but this needs to be earned and proven. A wise young person should wait to be asked their opinion. If they are never asked, then their opinion is not desired. In American society, we urge children to speak nonsense all for the sake of being heard, but wise people listen more than they speak. Elihu did wait, but already he sounds foolish. He tells them that he is not going to flatter, but just say things as they are. What we find is that his speech is more repetitive and full of fluff than anyone else's.

Job 33

1 Wherefore, Job, I pray thee, hear my speeches, and hearken to all my words.
2 Behold, now I have opened my mouth, my tongue hath spoken in my mouth.
3 My words shall be of the uprightness of my heart: and my lips shall utter knowledge clearly.
4 The Spirit of God hath made me, and the breath of the Almighty hath given me life.
5 If thou canst answer me, set thy words in order before me, stand up.
6 Behold, I am according to thy wish in God's stead: I also am formed out of the clay.
7 Behold, my terror shall not make thee afraid, neither shall my hand be heavy upon thee.

Elihu is convinced that he has some powerful and insightful revelations from God. He tells Job to answer him if he can, but he is boasting about the power of what he is going to say before he even says it. This is all fluff and the emptiness of youthful arrogance.

8 Surely thou hast spoken in mine hearing, and I have heard the voice of thy words, saying,
9 I am clean without transgression, I am innocent; neither is there iniquity in me.
10 Behold, he findeth occasions against me, he counteth me for his enemy,
11 He putteth my feet in the stocks, he marketh all my paths.
12 Behold, in this thou art not just: I will answer thee, that God is greater than man.

Elihu starts by summarizing Job's arguments. He says that because Job argues his innocence, God must be guilty of wronging Job. Job never accuses God of doing evil. Instead, Job has asked God "why?" and is petitioning his case before God to get a reprieve from the judgment. Job knows that God has the right to do whatever he wants. God cannot be doing evil if he has the right to give and take away. Job's argument is that God would show mercy and not punish something Job did not do. Is it the same thing as saying God is wrong? Sort of, but not really.

13 Why dost thou strive against him? for he giveth not account of any of his matters.
14 For God speaketh once, yea twice, yet man perceiveth it not.
15 In a dream, in a vision of the night, when deep sleep falleth upon men, in slumberings upon the bed;
16 Then he openeth the ears of men, and sealeth their instruction,
17 That he may withdraw man from his purpose, and hide pride from man.
18 He keepeth back his soul from the pit, and his life from perishing by the sword.
19 He is chastened also with pain upon his bed, and the multitude of his bones with strong pain:
20 So that his life abhorreth bread, and his soul dainty meat.
21 His flesh is consumed away, that it cannot be seen; and his bones that were not seen stick out.
22 Yea, his soul draweth near unto the grave, and his life to the destroyers.

Elihu is summarizing the same argument that Job's friends have already explored. Elihu is telling Job to stop wrestling with God and just submit to his punishment. This is very bad advice. Whether we are guilty of sin or not, we should always talk with God and learn. From the first chapters of the Bible to the last book, God has continually called on his people to turn to him and call on him. He wants a conversation. He wants the wrestling. He wants humanity to be in a relationship with him and not to just submit like cattle to whatever first impression they have of him. Yes, we should repent of doing evil and change, but always while engaged in conversation and relationship with God.

23 If there be a messenger with him, an interpreter, one among a thousand, to shew unto man his uprightness:
24 Then he is gracious unto him, and saith, Deliver him from going down to the pit: I have found a ransom.
25 His flesh shall be fresher than a child's: he shall return to the days of his youth:

Here we again have the belief that once Job repents, everything will be good again. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. Yes, life is better serving God, but it doesn't mean life will always be easy.

26 He shall pray unto God, and he will be favourable unto him: and he shall see his face with joy: for he will render unto man his righteousness.
27 He looketh upon men, and if any say, I have sinned, and perverted that which was right, and it profited me not;
28 He will deliver his soul from going into the pit, and his life shall see the light.
29 Lo, all these things worketh God oftentimes with man,
30 To bring back his soul from the pit, to be enlightened with the light of the living.

Elihu does tell Job to pray and repent, even though he told Job earlier not to strive against God. To me, this kind of prayer that Elihu is recommending is the kind of prayer that checks the box of righteous acts. Still, in general, it is good advice if hardship comes because of our own foolishness to repent of it. God does use hardship as a wake-up call to help people turn back to him. Yet, just like earlier with Job's friends, not all hardships are the same or for the same purpose. Life isn't so simple that we can make God sound like a machine in which you push certain buttons and get certain results.

31 Mark well, O Job, hearken unto me: hold thy peace, and I will speak.
32 If thou hast any thing to say, answer me: speak, for I desire to justify thee.
33 If not, hearken unto me: hold thy peace, and I shall teach thee wisdom.

Elihu asks Job to answer, but he has only presented the same arguments as his elders. In fact, he had boasted of the power of his argument and ended up giving a very sparse summary of what was already said. It doesn't look like Job asks others to answer him, but Elihu goes on to talk some more.

Job 34

1 Furthermore Elihu answered and said,
2 Hear my words, O ye wise men; and give ear unto me, ye that have knowledge.
3 For the ear trieth words, as the mouth tasteth meat.
4 Let us choose to us judgment: let us know among ourselves what is good.

Elihu again introduces his speech in declaring his wisdom and presumption to teach wise men wisdom.

5 For Job hath said, I am righteous: and God hath taken away my judgment.
6 Should I lie against my right? my wound is incurable without transgression.
7 What man is like Job, who drinketh up scorning like water?
8 Which goeth in company with the workers of iniquity, and walketh with wicked men.
9 For he hath said, It profiteth a man nothing that he should delight himself with God.

This gets to the meat of Elihu’s case against Job. He is saying that if Job is correct in saying he did nothing wrong, then all wicked people will be correct in saying that doing good means nothing to God. I have just this week seen this kind of thought process. I had just finished reading a book of medieval wisdom literature and decided to read reviews of it. One reviewer talked about how the wise advice did no good at that time and got people killed. Another reviewer saw it as revolting Catholic propaganda. The overwhelming consensus was that doing good was old-fashioned and would cause calamity in your life. This was not what Job was saying. Job should not be placed among the wicked and evil-doers when he is very adamantly proclaiming God’s sovereignty and the importance of doing good. Even in Job’s last speech, he declares the importance of not allowing sinful thoughts, actions, or habits in one’s life.

10 Therefore hearken unto me, ye men of understanding: far be it from God, that he should do wickedness; and from the Almighty, that he should commit iniquity.
11 For the work of a man shall he render unto him, and cause every man to find according to his ways.
12 Yea, surely God will not do wickedly, neither will the Almighty pervert judgment.
13 Who hath given him a charge over the earth? or who hath disposed the whole world?
14 If he set his heart upon man, if he gather unto himself his spirit and his breath;
15 All flesh shall perish together, and man shall turn again unto dust.

Elihu speaks truth here about the fact that God cannot do wickedly and that it is God's right to do what he wants with the whole world and mankind. If God is the one who made everything, how should we know what he should do or not?

16 If now thou hast understanding, hear this: hearken to the voice of my words.
17 Shall even he that hateth right govern? and wilt thou condemn him that is most just?
18 Is it fit to say to a king, Thou art wicked? and to princes, Ye are ungodly?
19 How much less to him that accepteth not the persons of princes, nor regardeth the rich more than the poor? for they all are the work of his hands.

God is the measure of what justice is. In studying wisdom and virtue, those who are not religious will often measure what is right with their observation of nature and what causes people to flourish and prosper. Some great thinkers, such as Aristotle and Confucius, were able to develop profound teachings on virtue and wisdom this way. Yet, they often cannot explain why the world works that way and where this virtue comes from. For Christians, virtue is the spirit of God working throughout our lives and the world to keep it in order. God is the most just ruler because he is the source of all virtue.

20 In a moment shall they die, and the people shall be troubled at midnight, and pass away: and the mighty shall be taken away without hand.
21 For his eyes are upon the ways of man, and he seeth all his goings.
22 There is no darkness, nor shadow of death, where the workers of iniquity may hide themselves.
23 For he will not lay upon man more than right; that he should enter into judgment with God.

We call this God's omncence which means God knows everything, and God's omipotience which means God is all-powerful. Unlike the Greek and Roman gods, the God of the Bible cannot be deceived or overpowered.

24 He shall break in pieces mighty men without number, and set others in their stead.
25 Therefore he knoweth their works, and he overturneth them in the night, so that they are destroyed.
26 He striketh them as wicked men in the open sight of others;
27 Because they turned back from him, and would not consider any of his ways:
28 So that they cause the cry of the poor to come unto him, and he heareth the cry of the afflicted.
29 When he giveth quietness, who then can make trouble? and when he hideth his face, who then can behold him? whether it be done against a nation, or against a man only:
30 That the hypocrite reign not, lest the people be ensnared.

Even this, Elihu is saying the truth about God, but we also know from our own experiences and observation that though God is just and keeps the world in order, he does not always act immediately or in the way we want. Elihu is correct that no one can undo what God has determined and that God will destroy the wicked. I have never read a biography of an evil person who, if unrepentant, died peacefully at an old age.

31 Surely it is meet to be said unto God, I have borne chastisement, I will not offend any more:
32 That which I see not teach thou me: if I have done iniquity, I will do no more.
33 Should it be according to thy mind? he will recompense it, whether thou refuse, or whether thou choose; and not I: therefore speak what thou knowest.
34 Let men of understanding tell me, and let a wise man hearken unto me.
35 Job hath spoken without knowledge, and his words were without wisdom.
36 My desire is that Job may be tried unto the end because of his answers for wicked men.
37 For he addeth rebellion unto his sin, he clappeth his hands among us, and multiplieth his words against God.

I feel Elihu's words here very personally. He tells Job that he needs to be humble and teachable. This is not bad advice. We should try to learn from hardships, but when it is a long, drawn-out hardship, this is not helpful advice. The reason I feel this personally is that I once had someone say a very similar thing to me. It hurt deeply because I had been listening to their advice and validating that their advice was good, yet because everything was not fixed by following their advice, it must have been my fault for not being teachable. We don't just make everything suddenly good in our lives just because we learn a few lessons. Just because we don't take every foolish person's advice does not make us rebellious either.

Job 35

1 Elihu spake moreover, and said,
2 Thinkest thou this to be right, that thou saidst, My righteousness is more than God's?

Again, Job has never said this. Elihu infers this because Job declares that he is innocent. I have been listening to a lot of online sermons on the book of Job, and the vast majority of them talk about Job's pride. I do not see it in Job's words. I only see it in the conclusions Job's friends make about his declarations. Just because Job says he is innocent does not mean that Job says that God is wrong, evil, or less righteous. It is a very simple-minded person who thinks that in a debate or argument, there must be one right person and one wrong person. Two people can be right with different perspectives or priorities. Two people can also be right, and one person can be uninformed about the reasons. Job is uninformed about God's reasons. This does not mean the Job must be wrong for God to be right, or that if Job is right, he is saying God is wrong.

3 For thou saidst, What advantage will it be unto thee? and, What profit shall I have, if I be cleansed from my sin?
4 I will answer thee, and thy companions with thee.
5 Look unto the heavens, and see; and behold the clouds which are higher than thou.
6 If thou sinnest, what doest thou against him? or if thy transgressions be multiplied, what doest thou unto him?
7 If thou be righteous, what givest thou him? or what receiveth he of thine hand?
8 Thy wickedness may hurt a man as thou art; and thy righteousness may profit the son of man.
9 By reason of the multitude of oppressions they make the oppressed to cry: they cry out by reason of the arm of the mighty.
10 But none saith, Where is God my maker, who giveth songs in the night;
11 Who teacheth us more than the beasts of the earth, and maketh us wiser than the fowls of heaven?
12 There they cry, but none giveth answer, because of the pride of evil men.
13 Surely God will not hear vanity, neither will the Almighty regard it.
14 Although thou sayest thou shalt not see him, yet judgment is before him; therefore trust thou in him.
15 But now, because it is not so, he hath visited in his anger; yet he knoweth it not in great extremity:
16 Therefore doth Job open his mouth in vain; he multiplieth words without knowledge.

Elihu is correct in saying that Job is asking where God is. Job has over and over again publicly prayed for God to come and tell him why all of this was happening to him. Elihu says that nature itself declares God's justice. He also says that God doesn't answer Job because he is too prideful to repent.

Job 36

1 Elihu also proceeded, and said,
2 Suffer me a little, and I will shew thee that I have yet to speak on God's behalf.
3 I will fetch my knowledge from afar, and will ascribe righteousness to my Maker.
4 For truly my words shall not be false: he that is perfect in knowledge is with thee.

I still cannot get over how arrogant Elihu is in his speeches. He declares he is going to speak on God's behalf with perfect knowledge. The prophets in the Bible indeed spoke on God's behalf; they actually heard from God, and their words were verified to be true after they spoke. We already know that what Elihu is saying about Job is false because the narrator told us in chapter 1 that Job was not wicked and that God was not being silent or punishing him for wickedness. Elihu is not speaking the words of God, but his own thoughts and opinions. Then, he goes on to declare that Job is prideful. I find that people often see their own faults in other whether or not it is true. A pathological liar thinks everyone is lying to him. A thief assumes everyone steals something at some point, even if it is a small piece of candy. A bully thinks he must be tougher than the toughest person out there, or he will get bullied. It is often the most prideful people who accuse others of being prideful when there is no proof.

5 Behold, God is mighty, and despiseth not any: he is mighty in strength and wisdom.
6 He preserveth not the life of the wicked: but giveth right to the poor.
7 He withdraweth not his eyes from the righteous: but with kings are they on the throne; yea, he doth establish them for ever, and they are exalted.
8 And if they be bound in fetters, and be holden in cords of affliction;
9 Then he sheweth them their work, and their transgressions that they have exceeded.
10 He openeth also their ear to discipline, and commandeth that they return from iniquity.
11 If they obey and serve him, they shall spend their days in prosperity, and their years in pleasures.
12 But if they obey not, they shall perish by the sword, and they shall die without knowledge.

Elihu lays out how God often works, and scripture supports this. He says that God does not hate anyone, especially not the poor. He uses hardships to teach us the consequences of our own sins so that we will learn and repent. Then, when we change from our wicked ways, God blesses us. If we don't repent, then we are destroyed. This is repeated throughout the Bible, yet it is not always like this. The book of Ecclesiastes says it rains on the just and the unjust alike. There are times when good things happen to wicked people and bad things happen to good people. This complicates things, though, for those who have a tiny worldview. We tend to like Elihu's statement to be true all the time for every person, but as we will see, God has a bigger story in mind for humanity than an overly simplistic machine, still good-in-good-out algorithm.

13 But the hypocrites in heart heap up wrath: they cry not when he bindeth them.
14 They die in youth, and their life is among the unclean.
15 He delivereth the poor in his affliction, and openeth their ears in oppression.
16 Even so would he have removed thee out of the strait into a broad place, where there is no straitness; and that which should be set on thy table should be full of fatness.

Elihu is placing Job in the category of the hypocrites and urges Job to repent.

17 But thou hast fulfilled the judgment of the wicked: judgment and justice take hold on thee.
18 Because there is wrath, beware lest he take thee away with his stroke: then a great ransom cannot deliver thee.
19 Will he esteem thy riches? no, not gold, nor all the forces of strength.
20 Desire not the night, when people are cut off in their place.
21 Take heed, regard not iniquity: for this hast thou chosen rather than affliction.
22 Behold, God exalteth by his power: who teacheth like him?
23 Who hath enjoined him his way? or who can say, Thou hast wrought iniquity?

Here is the logic: Job is suffering like a wicked person. Isn't this proof that he is a wicked person? It is like people blaming the poor for bringing on their own poverty. Some have, but some have only suffered from debaters and illnesses that have robbed them of what they have. It is also like those who blame the terminally ill for not eating right or for neglecting their health. Some did, and some didn't. It is a very arrogant thing that I see in politics and even in the church today to blame hardships on the one experiencing them. In Job's case, he is experiencing all of his hardships because he was good. We were told he is being tested to see if he will remain righteous.

24 Remember that thou magnify his work, which men behold.
25 Every man may see it; man may behold it afar off.
26 Behold, God is great, and we know him not, neither can the number of his years be searched out.
27 For he maketh small the drops of water: they pour down rain according to the vapour thereof:
28 Which the clouds do drop and distil upon man abundantly.
29 Also can any understand the spreadings of the clouds, or the noise of his tabernacle?
30 Behold, he spreadeth his light upon it, and covereth the bottom of the sea.
31 For by them judgeth he the people; he giveth meat in abundance.
32 With clouds he covereth the light; and commandeth it not to shine by the cloud that cometh betwixt.
33 The noise thereof sheweth concerning it, the cattle also concerning the vapour.

Job and all of his friends agree on this point, that God is sovereign over all of creation, and in this, they are unquestionably correct. God is not like humans who see very temporary and finite things. He commands the sun and clouds. He is the one who provides all the food we grow and sees even to the bottom of the ocean. God is also beyond our comprehension. I often hear of people trying to invent a beginning for God, but if he had a beginning, something greater than him would have to make him come into existence. As Aristotle said, the universe must have an unmoved mover. Logically, something that cannot change must be the force that makes everything else in the universe move and change. Elihu is trying to say that because God is sovereign, the fact that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people must be part of how God keeps order in the universe. To him, this principle must be as unchanging as God is. Ironically, the God whose years we cannot count and who is bigger than the universe, in Elihu's opinion, should be so simple in his relationship with man that we can just check off a list of laws and have no other relationship with him.

Job 37

1 At this also my heart trembleth, and is moved out of his place.
2 Hear attentively the noise of his voice, and the sound that goeth out of his mouth.
3 He directeth it under the whole heaven, and his lightning unto the ends of the earth.
4 After it a voice roareth: he thundereth with the voice of his excellency; and he will not stay them when his voice is heard.
5 God thundereth marvellously with his voice; great things doeth he, which we cannot comprehend.
6 For he saith to the snow, Be thou on the earth; likewise to the small rain, and to the great rain of his strength.
7 He sealeth up the hand of every man; that all men may know his work.
8 Then the beasts go into dens, and remain in their places.
9 Out of the south cometh the whirlwind: and cold out of the north.
10 By the breath of God frost is given: and the breadth of the waters is straitened.
11 Also by watering he wearieth the thick cloud: he scattereth his bright cloud:
12 And it is turned round about by his counsels: that they may do whatsoever he commandeth them upon the face of the world in the earth.
13 He causeth it to come, whether for correction, or for his land, or for mercy.
14 Hearken unto this, O Job: stand still, and consider the wondrous works of God.
15 Dost thou know when God disposed them, and caused the light of his cloud to shine?
16 Dost thou know the balancings of the clouds, the wondrous works of him which is perfect in knowledge?
17 How thy garments are warm, when he quieteth the earth by the south wind?
18 Hast thou with him spread out the sky, which is strong, and as a molten looking glass?

This is a beautiful description of God's sovereignty over the weather and nature. In every respect, Elihu's speeches take what Job's friends said before him as far in intensity as possible. He emphatically accuses Job of all kinds of evil, and summarizes in extreme simplicity the traditionally believed reasons for hardship. Then he magnifies God's glory and majesty with enthusiasm. There is an echo of what God will say about himself in these words, but here they are used to condemn Job while God describes himself and his power for a different purpose, to comfort.

19 Teach us what we shall say unto him; for we cannot order our speech by reason of darkness.
20 Shall it be told him that I speak? if a man speak, surely he shall be swallowed up.
21 And now men see not the bright light which is in the clouds: but the wind passeth, and cleanseth them.
22 Fair weather cometh out of the north: with God is terrible majesty.
23 Touching the Almighty, we cannot find him out: he is excellent in power, and in judgment, and in plenty of justice: he will not afflict.
24 Men do therefore fear him: he respecteth not any that are wise of heart.

The American Commentary on Job by Robert L. Alden points out that Elihu concludes his speech acknowledging the ignorance of full knowledge of God. In verse 19, darkness here means ignorance rather than death, as it does in some of the previous uses in the book. He also advises against wanting to confront God face to face, as Job had declared, because doing so would mean terrible things. Finally, he ends with the advice to fear God, and God will turn back to him.

In working through these chapters of Elihu's speeches, I was startled at how many Christian preachers, including some very famous ones whom I respect, think that Elihu is the only correct character in this book. The vast majority of sermons practically repeat Elihu's declaration of Job's pride and guilt. It also surprises me how many people see Job's speeches as being full of errors and incorrect beliefs about God. This baffles me with all the effort the narrator goes through to describe how good and right Job is at the beginning. We even hear God in the beginning chapters declare Job's goodness, yet most modern Christians cannot stomach that Job's words could be right and true. Some of this is fulfilled by a single verse in chapter 42 that has been traditionally translated as Job repented rather than the more common usage of the word, in which it means Job was comforted. I will get to that in the next post.

For now, we can see how Job is reading us. We have to be aware of who we side with in this book. The narrator and God have told us from the beginning who is right, but when we find ourselves siding with Job's friends, we must watch out. Do we side with Job's friends because we are afraid that we might become like Job if he is right? Do we not like the fact that we can't save ourselves from hardships by our good works? Is it easier to blame the victim of hardships than to wrestle with the fact that God lets bad things happen to good people? Are we afraid that our theology will fall apart if we say that God does allow bad things to happen?

In the next post, we will see that God does want us to come to him and wrestle over these issues with him. God is not afraid of our questions, and we shouldn't be afraid to ask them. The fact is that God has a cosmic story that we play a part in. Our sufferings as Christians, believers, and good people do have a purpose that brings about a good result. That doesn't mean suffering is good, but that God is sovereign and causes things to grow and be destroyed for a reason. Sometimes we can see the reasons for our sufferings in our lifetime, but often, we never see the full reasons until heaven.

This is a very long post since it doesn't really have a good breaking point. I would have to have a very short post with just Bildad's speech or interrupt Job's long speech. I am getting eager to finish with the book of Job. Every time I have gotten to this point in the book, I have rushed to the end. Still, there are some really important parts to the book at this point, and things change from this point on. Bildad's speech is only six verses, but Job's reply is five chapters. This is Job’s last speech to his friends, and it includes a section on wisdom and some reflections on his past prosperity. It is worth slowing down to study. Still, I put it all in one post, so here we go!

Job 25

1 Then answered Bildad the Shuhite, and said,
2 Dominion and fear are with him, he maketh peace in his high places.
3 Is there any number of his armies? and upon whom doth not his light arise?
4 How then can man be justified with God? or how can he be clean that is born of a woman?
5 Behold even to the moon, and it shineth not; yea, the stars are not pure in his sight.
6 How much less man, that is a worm? and the son of man, which is a worm?

Bildad's speech is short and simple: we are born corrupt because we are human. Because we are not perfect, we are worthless. There is an aspect of truth to this, but it isn't a complete truth, as with all the speeches of Job's friends. We live in an age in which everyone is in a rage to point out each other's mistakes. To hide from this, we then flock to AI to create perfection. It turns out that AI makes more mistakes than most people do. Yet, with all this imperfection, God loves us and sees us as high worth. Bilbad misses this, as do all of Job’s friends. We are not worms in God's eyes. We are his children.

Job 26

1 But Job answered and said,
2 How hast thou helped him that is without power? How savest thou the arm that hath no strength?
3 How hast thou counselled him that hath no wisdom? And how hast thou plentifully declared the thing as it is?
4 To whom hast thou uttered words? and whose spirit came from thee?

Job is asking his friend how he thinks this is going to help anyone? In what spirit is he giving all of these words? Are Job’s friends actually trying to help Job, or are they just making themselves feel better at his expense? The friends have failed to be of any help or comfort to Job.

5 Dead things are formed from under the waters, and the inhabitants thereof.
6 Hell is naked before him, and destruction hath no covering.
7 He stretcheth out the north over the empty place, and hangeth the earth upon nothing.
8 He bindeth up the waters in his thick clouds; and the cloud is not rent under them.
9 He holdeth back the face of his throne, and spreadeth his cloud upon it.
10 He hath compassed the waters with bounds, until the day and night come to an end.
11 The pillars of heaven tremble and are astonished at his reproof.
12 He divideth the sea with his power, and by his understanding he smiteth through the proud.
13 By his spirit he hath garnished the heavens; his hand hath formed the crooked serpent.
14 Lo, these are parts of his ways: but how little a portion is heard of him? but the thunder of his power who can understand?

Job now goes into a hymn about how great and powerful God is. The cosmic imagery leaves no question in the reader's mind that Job sees God as the supreme God over all the realms of heaven, hell, and earth. He is no minor deity. There is also never a question in all of Job’s sufferings about whether God exists or if he is powerful enough to fix everything in Job’s life. These facts are known and never questioned. Even though Job has lost everything and is suffering, he still acknowledges the greatness of God.

Job 27

1 Moreover Job continued his parable, and said,
2 As God liveth, who hath taken away my judgment; and the Almighty, who hath vexed my soul;
3 All the while my breath is in me, and the spirit of God is in my nostrils;
4 My lips shall not speak wickedness, nor my tongue utter deceit.
5 God forbid that I should justify you: till I die I will not remove mine integrity from me.
6 My righteousness I hold fast, and will not let it go: my heart shall not reproach me so long as I live.

In this final speech to his friends, Job gives a final assertion that he is innocent of doing anything to deserve the evil that has happened to him. After all the back and forth, Job conveys extra stubbornness in his innocence.

7 Let mine enemy be as the wicked, and he that riseth up against me as the unrighteous.
8 For what is the hope of the hypocrite, though he hath gained, when God taketh away his soul?
9 Will God hear his cry when trouble cometh upon him?
10 Will he delight himself in the Almighty? Will he always call upon God?
11 I will teach you by the hand of God: that which is with the Almighty will I not conceal.
12 Behold, all ye yourselves have seen it; why then are ye thus altogether vain?
13 This is the portion of a wicked man with God, and the heritage of oppressors, which they shall receive of the Almighty.
14 If his children be multiplied, it is for the sword: and his offspring shall not be satisfied with bread.
15 Those that remain of him shall be buried in death: and his widows shall not weep.
16 Though he heap up silver as the dust, and prepare raiment as the clay;
17 He may prepare it, but the just shall put it on, and the innocent shall divide the silver.
18 He buildeth his house as a moth, and as a booth that the keeper maketh.
19 The rich man shall lie down, but he shall not be gathered: he openeth his eyes, and he is not.
20 Terrors take hold on him as waters, a tempest stealeth him away in the night.
21 The east wind carrieth him away, and he departeth: and as a storm hurleth him out of his place.
22 For God shall cast upon him, and not spare: he would fain flee out of his hand.
23 Men shall clap their hands at him, and shall hiss him out of his place.

Job talks about God’s judgment on the wicked. This is different from Job’s friends telling him that he needs to repent because God is punishing him for being wicked. Job is directly accusing his three friends of treating him wickedly and that they should beware of God’s judgment. Then he teaches them how God acts. For us modern readers, this might come across as arrogant, but in this poetic form, Job is standing up to his friends and speaking the truth without personal attacks or rudeness. A weak person may just agree with their friends until they leave for the sake of getting along. An angry man may have already so offended that he kicked his friends out and severed the relationship. Job is somehow able to have an intense debate with his friends, keep true to his own convictions, and yet maintain a relationship with them. That is incredible!

Job 28

1 Surely there is a vein for the silver, and a place for gold where they fine it.
2 Iron is taken out of the earth, and brass is molten out of the stone.
3 He setteth an end to darkness, and searcheth out all perfection: the stones of darkness, and the shadow of death.
4 The flood breaketh out from the inhabitant; even the waters forgotten of the foot: they are dried up, they are gone away from men.
5 As for the earth, out of it cometh bread: and under it is turned up as it were fire.
6 The stones of it are the place of sapphires: and it hath dust of gold.
7 There is a path which no fowl knoweth, and which the vulture's eye hath not seen:
8 The lion's whelps have not trodden it, nor the fierce lion passed by it.
9 He putteth forth his hand upon the rock; he overturneth the mountains by the roots.
10 He cutteth out rivers among the rocks; and his eye seeth every precious thing.
11 He bindeth the floods from overflowing; and the thing that is hid bringeth he forth to light.
12 But where shall wisdom be found? And where is the place of understanding?

This chapter begins a section on wisdom. Experts are not sure if this is from Job or the narrator. I have it as part of Job’s speech. Here, he poetically describes a deep mine and the labor needed to obtain vast treasures, but he concludes by pointing out the animals that don’t do this because wisdom cannot be found in a mine.

13 Man knoweth not the price thereof; neither is it found in the land of the living.
14 The depth saith, It is not in me: and the sea saith, It is not with me.
15 It cannot be gotten for gold, neither shall silver be weighed for the price thereof.
16 It cannot be valued with the gold of Ophir, with the precious onyx, or the sapphire.
17 The gold and the crystal cannot equal it: and the exchange of it shall not be for jewels of fine gold.
18 No mention shall be made of coral, or of pearls: for the price of wisdom is above rubies.
19 The topaz of Ethiopia shall not equal it, neither shall it be valued with pure gold.

I am a huge fan of wisdom literature, and this is some of the most beautiful passages I have read of it. It simply says that wisdom cannot be bought, but that little sentence does not convey the value of wisdom the way this poetic passage does.

20 Whence then cometh wisdom? and where is the place of understanding?
21 Seeing it is hid from the eyes of all living, and kept close from the fowls of the air.
22 Destruction and death say, We have heard the fame thereof with our ears.
23 God understandeth the way thereof, and he knoweth the place thereof.
24 For he looketh to the ends of the earth, and seeth under the whole heaven;
25 To make the weight for the winds; and he weigheth the waters by measure.
26 When he made a decree for the rain, and a way for the lightning of the thunder:
27 Then did he see it, and declare it; he prepared it, yea, and searched it out.
28 And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the Lord, that is wisdom; and to depart from evil is understanding.

Job finally gives us the answer to where to find wisdom. He tells us that God has ordered it in the very fabric of how nature works, and to find it, we must fear God and stay away from evil. The fear of God is a baffling concept to most modern people because we think of being scared that God will zap us at any moment. In some ways, though, that isn't far from the truth. The fear of God is not so much being afraid God is out to get me, but being aware of just how little in life and the universe I can control. I cannot control the weather. I cannot control plagues or accidents or the length of my life. I cannot control other people. I cannot control economics, wealth, or power. Any control that man temporarily has is given to him by God and can disappear in a moment. I am not God. The one who does control all of that should be respected and, yes, even feared.

Job 29

1 Moreover Job continued his parable, and said,
2 Oh that I were as in months past, as in the days when God preserved me;
3 When his candle shined upon my head, and when by his light I walked through darkness;
4 As I was in the days of my youth, when the secret of God was upon my tabernacle;

Now that Job has talked about where the source of wisdom comes from, which is the fear of God, he now starts to recall the blessings of his past. Tabernacle is the same word as tent or his house. The blessings of fearing God are both obvious and secret. It is obvious when someone is prospering and thriving, but it isn’t always obvious where the source of their good luck is coming from. This secret good luck or blessedness, Job is saying, is from God.

5 When the Almighty was yet with me, when my children were about me;
6 When I washed my steps with butter, and the rock poured me out rivers of oil;

Job felt like he didn't have to hardly try, and everything came easily.

7 When I went out to the gate through the city, when I prepared my seat in the street!
8 The young men saw me, and hid themselves: and the aged arose, and stood up.
9 The princes refrained talking, and laid their hand on their mouth.
10 The nobles held their peace, and their tongue cleaved to the roof of their mouth

Job’s sign of success is not his money or clothes, but the respect those around him had for him. Even the rich and powerful were quiet so that they could hear Job’s words and advice.

11 When the ear heard me, then it blessed me; and when the eye saw me, it gave witness to me:
12 Because I delivered the poor that cried, and the fatherless, and him that had none to help him.
13 The blessing of him that was ready to perish came upon me: and I caused the widow's heart to sing for joy.
14 I put on righteousness, and it clothed me: my judgment was as a robe and a diadem.
15 I was eyes to the blind, and feet was I to the lame.
16 I was a father to the poor: and the cause which I knew not I searched out.
17 And I brake the jaws of the wicked, and plucked the spoil out of his teeth.

Job points out that the respect that he had was from the good deeds that he did. Again, he is not listing the money, cattle, lands, or other forms of wealth as being the source of his happiness or the respect he gained. He is specifically listing the good deeds he did to earn the reputation he had. Job tells his friends that he wasn't just avoiding evil, but seeking out those to help and defend.

18 Then I said, I shall die in my nest, and I shall multiply my days as the sand.
19 My root was spread out by the waters, and the dew lay all night upon my branch.
20 My glory was fresh in me, and my bow was renewed in my hand.
21 Unto me men gave ear, and waited, and kept silence at my counsel.
22 After my words they spake not again; and my speech dropped upon them.
23 And they waited for me as for the rain; and they opened their mouth wide as for the latter rain.
24 If I laughed on them, they believed it not; and the light of my countenance they cast not down.
25 I chose out their way, and sat chief, and dwelt as a king in the army, as one that comforteth the mourners.

Job talks about how he was content in his old life and that he was looked up to like a king. The way people respected his words and his advice was the greatest sign of his achievements. I find this fascinating because it is so different from how we measure success today. He is not talking about changing the world, but being a stable pillar of support in a community. He isn't counting his material goods, but his reputation.

Job 30

1 But now they that are younger than I have me in derision, whose fathers I would have disdained to have set with the dogs of my flock.
2 Yea, whereto might the strength of their hands profit me, in whom old age was perished?
3 For want and famine they were solitary; fleeing into the wilderness in former time desolate and waste.
4 Who cut up mallows by the bushes, and juniper roots for their meat.
5 They were driven forth from among men, (they cried after them as after a thief;)
6 To dwell in the clifts of the valleys, in caves of the earth, and in the rocks.
7 Among the bushes they brayed; under the nettles they were gathered together.
8 They were children of fools, yea, children of base men: they were viler than the earth.
9 And now am I their song, yea, I am their byword.
10 They abhor me, they flee far from me, and spare not to spit in my face.
11 Because he hath loosed my cord, and afflicted me, they have also let loose the bridle before me.
12 Upon my right hand rise the youth; they push away my feet, and they raise up against me the ways of their destruction.
13 They mar my path, they set forward my calamity, they have no helper.
14 They came upon me as a wide breaking in of waters: in the desolation they rolled themselves upon me.

Now that Job is dealing with a prolonged hardship that has impoverished him and made him sick, worthless, and wild, young people have made Job the victim of their jokes and crimes. One thing that seems true about broader humanity is that they have short memories. People often forget what a person did in the past unless it was done to them, and if they possess either a vengeful or loyal nature. There is a fictional legend about Belisarius, who was a powerful and successful General for Emperor Justinian. The story says that at the end of Belisarius’s long and loyal career, he angered Justinian, so Justinian had him blinded and thrown into the streets to beg for the rest of his life. Even though this story is not true, it lingers on because there is a way humanity can sometimes repay good with evil. This is not like God. It is the actions of fools, but it has been observed throughout time.

15 Terrors are turned upon me: they pursue my soul as the wind: and my welfare passeth away as a cloud.
16 And now my soul is poured out upon me; the days of affliction have taken hold upon me.
17 My bones are pierced in me in the night season: and my sinews take no rest.
18 By the great force of my disease is my garment changed: it bindeth me about as the collar of my coat.
19 He hath cast me into the mire, and I am become like dust and ashes.
20 I cry unto thee, and thou dost not hear me: I stand up, and thou regardest me not.
21 Thou art become cruel to me: with thy strong hand thou opposest thyself against me.
22 Thou liftest me up to the wind; thou causest me to ride upon it, and dissolvest my substance.
23 For I know that thou wilt bring me to death, and to the house appointed for all living.
24 Howbeit he will not stretch out his hand to the grave, though they cry in his destruction.
25 Did not I weep for him that was in trouble? Was not my soul grieved for the poor?
26 When I looked for good, then evil came unto me: and when I waited for light, there came darkness.

27 My bowels boiled, and rested not: the days of affliction prevented me.
28 I went mourning without the sun: I stood up, and I cried in the congregation.
29 I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls.
30 My skin is black upon me, and my bones are burned with heat.
31 My harp also is turned to mourning, and my organ into the voice of them that weep.

Job describes the hardship he is going through, not as a list of bad events, but as his current state of existence. He talks of his failing health, his sleeplessness, his sorrow, his worn-out condition, and his feelings of being forgotten by God. Job also changes to whom he talking to, from his friends to God himself. Instead of continuing to teach his friends wisdom or even to confront them with the truth of his past, Job asks God what he did to deserve this? Did he not do good when he had the ability to do so?

Job 31

1 I made a covenant with mine eyes; why then should I think upon a maid?
2 For what portion of God is there from above? and what inheritance of the Almighty from on high?
3 Is not destruction to the wicked? and a strange punishment to the workers of iniquity?
4 Doth not he see my ways, and count all my steps?
5 If I have walked with vanity, or if my foot hath hasted to deceit;
6 Let me be weighed in an even balance, that God may know mine integrity.
7 If my step hath turned out of the way, and mine heart walked after mine eyes, and if any blot hath cleaved to mine hands;
8 Then let me sow, and let another eat; yea, let my offspring be rooted out.
9 If mine heart have been deceived by a woman, or if I have laid wait at my neighbour's door;
10 Then let my wife grind unto another, and let others bow down upon her.
11 For this is an heinous crime; yea, it is an iniquity to be punished by the judges.
12 For it is a fire that consumeth to destruction, and would root out all mine increase.
13 If I did despise the cause of my manservant or of my maidservant, when they contended with me;
14 What then shall I do when God riseth up? And when he visiteth, what shall I answer him?
15 Did not he that made me in the womb make him? and did not one fashion us in the womb?
16 If I have withheld the poor from their desire, or have caused the eyes of the widow to fail;
17 Or have eaten my morsel myself alone, and the fatherless hath not eaten thereof;
18 (For from my youth he was brought up with me, as with a father, and I have guided her from my mother's womb;)
19 If I have seen any perish for want of clothing, or any poor without covering;
20 If his loins have not blessed me, and if he were not warmed with the fleece of my sheep;
21 If I have lifted up my hand against the fatherless, when I saw my help in the gate:
22 Then let mine arm fall from my shoulder blade, and mine arm be broken from the bone.
23 For destruction from God was a terror to me, and by reason of his highness I could not endure.
24 If I have made gold my hope, or have said to the fine gold, Thou art my confidence;
25 If I rejoiced because my wealth was great, and because mine hand had gotten much;
26 If I beheld the sun when it shined, or the moon walking in brightness;
27 And my heart hath been secretly enticed, or my mouth hath kissed my hand:
28 This also were an iniquity to be punished by the judge: for I should have denied the God that is above.
29 If I rejoiced at the destruction of him that hated me, or lifted up myself when evil found him:
30 Neither have I suffered my mouth to sin by wishing a curse to his soul.
31 If the men of my tabernacle said not, Oh that we had of his flesh! We cannot be satisfied.
32 The stranger did not lodge in the street: but I opened my doors to the traveller.
33 If I covered my transgressions as Adam, by hiding mine iniquity in my bosom:
34 Did I fear a great multitude, or did the contempt of families terrify me, that I kept silence, and went not out of the door?
35 Oh that one would hear me! Behold, my desire is, that the Almighty would answer me, and that mine adversary had written a book.
36 Surely I would take it upon my shoulder, and bind it as a crown to me.
37 I would declare unto him the number of my steps; as a prince would I go near unto him.
38 If my land cry against me, or that the furrows likewise thereof complain;
39 If I have eaten the fruits thereof without money, or have caused the owners thereof to lose their life:
40 Let thistles grow instead of wheat, and cockle instead of barley. The words of Job are ended.

Job ends his words like a lawyer presenting a case to a judge. He asks God what he did to deserve this? Then Job goes on to list very specifically sins and crimes that he did not do, followed by a curse upon himself if he had done these things. These "If...then" statements are meant to emphasize the Job's intense conviction that he is innocent.

In Christian doctrine, we often talk about how all have sinned, and so many people take the side of Job's friends to say he must have done something wrong. The problem is that we are mixing up two different categories of things here. Paul and the church's doctrine are talking about eternal life, which can only be obtained by God's grace. Job and his friends are talking about our present earthly reality. Throughout the ages, in many collections of wisdom literature, it has been observed that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people. This is the nature of the world and the general grace of God on those still living. Job and his friends rightly see this as being from God and a form of judgment by God to lead people to him. God, like a loving father, teaches his people to do good things not just because it pleases him, but also because it is good for them to flourish in the world that he made.

I am not saying that our good deeds alone can save our souls. I am just saying that all the characters in this book believed in the same God and seemed to be following as much of the law as they had at this time, considering that this may have been written before Moses and the Old Testament law. Job already had faith in God to save his soul. He had no fear of death. He is not arguing his case before God about being perfect. He is presenting a case that, according to all observations of nature and God's way of working with people in this world, he should be doing well. As we will see in the later chapters, Job is right. He should be doing well. What we will also see, though, is that God has a reason for everything, and we are not always in a place where we can see it or understand it.

If you are Job reading this, hold on. The end of the book is coming, and the truth will come out. God has a plan for your life, and nothing happens by accident. We just can't see the whole picture just yet. We may not be able to see the whole picture even in this life, but God is good, loving, and fair. There is a reason. There is a purpose. There is a story that your life must tell the world. Above all, bring your case before God himself just as Job did, and ask him why. That is the right thing to do.

This is an old post from 2010. Edinburgh was so special to me that it inspires my faerie world of Gryphendale to this day. Here is my short post:

This is where we currently live, and I think it is the best city in the world, except for the fact that it is so far away from family. Edinburgh is a modern city in old city clothes.

The castle, right on top of a hill in the middle of the city, is like nothing you would find in the USA, but you have all the shops, restaurants, cafes, and entertainment you could want. I love the church communities and the little shops (if you can squeeze a stroller inside!).

I love being able to walk everywhere (except on rainy or snowy days). I love the free museums, the libraries, and the history at every corner. I love experiencing the heart of Scotland while also mingling with international students at the University functions. I love the slower pace of life and the cultural differences that take me by surprise. And if you do come here, do the stereotypical stuff, like eating haggis. It really is part of the culture and all good fun.

If you decide to visit Edinburgh, I recommend Frommer's Edinburgh & Glasgow Day by Day Guide book. It has all the good sites listed and described, and includes a good fold-out map. I still refer to this book even after living here for two years.

I am a petite stay-at-home mom with illusions of becoming a chic world-class sword-fighter. Thus exposing my deepest delusions that fuel most of my fantasy writing, I will now tell you about my most recent failed attempt to make this lifelong fascination a reality.

I have been a Historical European Martial Arts (HEMA) member for three years, with two 9-month breaks: one to delightfully give birth to my daughter and one to traumatically have reconstructive surgery on my ankle. When I joined HEMA, I said it was to do hands-on research for my publications, that I like history and the medieval time period, and that as a stay-at-home mom, I needed to get out of the house. Lastly, I said I need the exercise, and I am more motivated by developing a skill than just random gym sweating. Secretly, though, I just wanted to swing around a sword and look fantastic doing it.

Being a mom of three kids, running my own business, and sometimes getting four hours of sleep a night, I haven’t been the sharpest cookie in the pencil box…err… a...just like that. So these three years have been very bumpy, and it has taken me all this time to finally order my own equipment.

I ordered my helmet, staff, and gloves from Purple Heart Armory, one giddy piece at a time, like a small child finally getting the toy they wanted for Christmas. I'll write a review for Purple Heart later. This equipment allowed me to awkwardly do certain kinds of drills at the club practices with all the enthusiasm of a distracted puppy. 

I bought a sword at Kult of Athena which wasn't very useful for sparring but exuded the glory of a Medieval  Wonder Woman as I drilled with it. The children dubbed it “Mommy’s Sword,” telling guests to our house its name like it was a pet hanging on the hallway wall.

Finally, I bought a used feder from a guy in my club which transformed me from ridiculously out of sync with the rest of the group to just kind of weird. With the sword and feder, I could do drills, but I needed protective equipment to spar with a partner. Obviously, to be the fantastically elegant sword-fighting virtuoso of my fantasies I must be able to duel a partner with the ease and dexterity of Errol Flynn!

Most HEMA clubs do offer protective equipment beginners can borrow. Unfortunately, I am a five-foot-two-inch woman with an hourglass shape that makes even women's clothes not fit right. Since most participants in HEMA are men. A man is roughly the shape of a rectangle, and he typically has a longer torso than a woman, especially that of a short woman. Any toddler with a shape sorter can see that these shapes don't fit in the same mold.
 
Because women's protective jackets were often out of stock, more expensive, difficult to get, and too exotic for the rarely seen feminine species of sword fighter who attended more than a month, our club only had men's jackets to borrow. So, when I would borrow a jacket that would kind of fit the length of my arms and shoulders, I would have to fight and struggle to connect the zipper at my full hips. I had thought I had broken the zipper on one of the club jackets during one of these epic wrestling matches and was informed that another woman in the club had done it!

Once I could get the horrid rectangular tube-shaped jacket on with all the pads, massive gloves, and my helmet, I then had to attempt to sword fight. I would toddle to the sparring floor like a small child in their burly father's biggest winter coat and get into position to fight. When I reached up with my sword, the jacket would slide slightly up, but not return all the way down so that my head was tilted up most of the bout, looking down my nose at my opponent in arrogant frustration at not being able to move my head. The sleeves were so long they would push the gloves, which were also way too big, slightly off so that I held onto my sword in an awkward desperation not to drop it.

Bonk!

Being short, I typically get whacked over the head by my opponent's steel blade. 

In three years, I still can’t seem to remember to protect my head.

If I was going to continue with this sport, I needed my own gear, but my own gear that fit!

For a long time, most of the various HEMA shop websites had multiple styles of jackets for men and one style for women. When I would read the measurements for the single women's coat, I knew it was not going to fit properly no matter what size I ordered. As though being a woman among men isn't difficult enough, I’m an odd-shaped woman among women too.

Superior Fencing custom makes all their coats to each customer's measurements and tastes. This single fact is why I ended up, in the end, choosing to go with them rather than the closest fitting women's jacket from another company. There is one other company that had a women's jacket that was also custom size, but they were nearly twice as expensive. I'm not quite sure why Superior Fencing has size charts on their website. I did use it as a reference in comparing my own measurements to the averages on the chart (vanity, it was just because of vanity), but they don't use the sizes listed even if your measurements were to match exactly. Their prices are also much cheaper than the competition. Since they are located in Pakistan, the shipping is substantial. For my order, it was nearly $100 on top of the purchase price. This does increase the price a lot, but not enough to be more than the competition.

They also offer kits that have all that you need to get started in HEMA in a bundled deal which is ridiculously cheap. I ordered the Full HEMA Kit 15 800N Woman Version without the gloves and replaced the jacket with their Ranger Women's HEMA Jacket 800N. The jacket was a double-breasted military coat design with shiny buttons. Double-breasted coats have always been very slimming on me. Since I have long arms and legs and a very short torso, I really wanted a style of jacket that went below my waist. I could even choose to have the jacket in my favorite color.

Could this be it?

Could this be the slimming highly protective jacket that was both practical and stylish for a small woman like me?

Did such things exist in the universe?

Dreams of looking like Catherine Zeta-Jones sword fighting in The Mask of Zorro (before getting undressed) swirled in my head! Never mind that she was wearing a corset and not a million pounds of padding akin to a hockey player which is required for safety in doing steel longsword fencing, but I regress.

Ordering from Superior Fencing involves emailing them with your requests, asking for a quote, and then transferring them the payment. I found this process extremely uncomfortable, especially for my very nervous and suspicious disposition. 

Dealing with an international seller, transferring money, and having no reputable third-party sales platform involved can all be red flags. Just watch any James Bond movie. Seriously though, I personally have been scammed by other businesses long before interacting with Superior Fencing and I did not want to get scammed again. I have had my artwork bought by an international buyer who sent me fake money orders, and I have transferred money to an editor for one of my books who disappeared without a word. If Superior Fencing had not been so highly recommended by the people in my club, I would have backed out of the deal at that moment. 

From what I understand, many international sellers of HEMA gear from all over the world do this same process. Still, this is a very bad way to do business. If you do decide to buy from Superior Fencing, I strongly encourage you to pay the extra fee to use PayPal to transfer your money. PayPal has a 180-day refund policy that helped me get my money back in the scams of my past. I even know of a situation in which PayPal helped mediate a situation with Superior Fencing in which the order needed some corrections. International sellers lack many affordable options for how they do business with Americans, but that doesn't mean we should take all the risks.

My negative emotions did not end there, though. I ordered my kit on July 16th. I had to email multiple times to find out that my order would take eight weeks to complete and then ten to twelve days for shipping. The shipping did not surprise me. Moving anything overseas takes forever and a day. Since this was a custom order, I was happy to wait eight weeks. What frustrated me the most was the lack of clear communication and clear expectations. I sweated, twitched, ate, writhed, grumbled, ate, muttered threats, cried, ate, and dreamed. After ten weeks, I emailed asking about the status of my order. Again I had to email multiple times until I received responses. On October 18th my compact cubicle vacuum-sealed package arrived. It took almost fourteen weeks for my order to arrive. From what I understand from others, this is a very common length of time for Superior Fencing, especially on kits. 

Well, that was enough time for me to have 15 pounds. Would anything fit anymore?

The massive amount of gear I ordered somehow all shrunk down to fit inside this single suitcase-sized box like something out of a Jetsons cartoon. Once I hacksawed through the layers of tape and cardboard enough to endure a nuclear explosion, the quality of the pieces was fantastic!

As I explained above, the primary reason I went with Superior Fencing was the custom jacket and the price. Everything in the kit other than the jacket, I just got because of the price. I was very pleasantly surprised by the quality. Of course, there are more expensive and nicer versions of all the equipment that I received on the market even in Superior Fencing's own Shop, but I just wanted enough equipment to spar with a steel longsword fender at my club and to enter a local competition every great once in a while. What I received fit exactly what I needed.

I am not sure why they upgraded my mask overlay, but the leather is great and fits my mask perfectly. The back of the head protection seems solid and when I used my mask at my club, it stayed securely in place. Since I am regularly bonked on the head with a sword, the more durable leather is nice.

The protective pads are not labeled and there are no instructions, so if I had not borrowed equipment at my club I would have been searching the internet for clues. This seems to be the way it is with the companies I have worked with so far. You end up learning how to use, care for, and break in your equipment from your club. Of course, I could also use common sense if I had more sleep. It would make sense that elbow pads are smaller than knee pads and forearm pads are smaller than shin pads. The trick is just getting them the right side up, but a few brain cells, or YouTube Videos (if the children have stolen those last brain cells) can cure any confusion.

 The elbow pads attach to the forearm pads by velcro. Both pads attach to your arm with velcro straps by way of contorting yourself in odd ways until you get everything in place and then adjust them again to get them actually fitting. These pads and the knee and shin pads feel very sturdy. They are not like the plastic plates that attach to some company's coats nor are they like cheap soccer shin pads or even squishy karate or kickboxing pads. They are both absorbent pads and firm plates. They are covered in cloth and shape to the size of one’s limbs, wrapping all the way around. I will very likely attach something to them so they can either velcro to my coat or snap to my coat to reduce the number of brain cells and contortion required to get them on.

These, I believe, are one size fits all. They are almost too long for my limbs. Since my arms and legs are a little longer than is proportional to my height, I think other women my height will find these pads a problem, especially the shin guards.

The shin guards are interesting because there are two layers of protection over your shin: a layer on your shin and a raised layer above your shin. I am not sure if this is a standard design for HEMA equipment. I know many people who just get shin protection from other sports or motorcycle gear. Longsword fencing carries some unusual and intense risks that aren't shared by these other activities. HEMA protective gear must help minimize the impact of being hit by a steel blade as well as resist being punctured while still being flexible. These knee and shin guards wrap around more than many other sports. 

The knee guard also wraps around a little and has some ties on it to attach them to the trousers that I won't be able to use. I will probably end up duct-taping these pads to the shin guards because they slightly overlap and I need the outer layer of the shin guard on top or the combination doesn't work. This might mean that the shin guard is too long, but duct tap will make this combination work.

The gorget is the piece of protective equipment my club discusses the most. When I had first joined I was skeptical that I would need one since I had such a short neck which was protected by both the mask and the jacket. Since then, I have come to realize just how important this little piece of equipment is. Getting stabbed in the neck is both extremely dangerous and extremely common. Unfortunately, Superior Fencing’s basic gorget doesn't fit me. The one-size-fits-all Velcro strap keeps it too loose around my neck. Even so, the jacket holds it in place. I am going to find the bulk of this piece of equipment very difficult to breathe in. Breathing is kind of necessary to sword fighting, so I’ll have to discuss with my club solutions other than holding my breath each bout.

The human-sized whiskey-bottle-shaped bag that came with the kit is big enough to hold all the above equipment and even a longsword, but not my jacket. I suppose I could always wear that. It has adjustable clips to shrink the bag down if you do not have a sword in it and lots of pockets. There are a few colors to choose from, so I picked red. It isn't the darker red of my feder's handle or my jacket, but it works. 

It is great to have everything in one place, but even with the light material, a bag as large as myself filled with heavy gear weighs about as much as a bag of concrete. Many in my club use golf bags or ski bags with wheels for their gear. Still, I had no bag, so I am happy with it. It has taken me a week to figure out how to carry it without looking horribly awkward and knocking things off the wall of my house. Now, I just look mildly bizarre carrying this red cello-shaped bookbag on my back. 

The kit included black knee-high socks, but since they are one-size-fits-all, the heel of it ends up in the back of my legs. 

Toss.

Pretty much 90% of my complaints are just short-person problems. Such is my life.

So, now we get to the trousers. As I said before, I gained 15 pounds in the almost four months I waited for the kit and most of that went to my hips. I was determined to try everything on as soon as I got it. I stubbornly forced the pants on with an intense battle of wills equal to the epic  Trojan Wars and brutally fought with the zipper trying to gain the upper hand. 

There was no ka-boom. Where's the ka-boom? There was supposed to be an earth-shattering ka-boom.

Really, I should have destroyed the trousers right there. I have broken luggage zippers with less effort and busted seams with far less pressure. After furiously admitting defeat and measuring the unyielding victim of my furry, I discovered that they did make the trousers to the measurements I sent them. So, even though these will have to wait until I get back in shape, they are well-made and can endure all the villainy human hands can inflict on a piece of clothing. The trousers are made with the 800 N fabric that was used on the jacket but in black. They have protective padding on the front, inner thigh, and outer thigh. They come with unnecessary-for-me suspenders. Since they made the trousers with the nearly ten-inch difference between my waist and my hips, once they fit again, they most certainly are not falling down. At least there is one benefit to having a big ass!

So now the jacket.

Will it fit?

The jacket was a beautiful ox blood red and was incredibly heavy as it should be. It was the maximum level of protection typically sold and used for weapons like longswords. It was perfectly stitched with no loose threads anywhere. I had measured myself for the jacket while wearing a chest protector, so the jacket fit fine without it.

Yay!

It has a blade catcher flap at the neck, longer cuffs which might be a little too long for my gloves, loops on the sleeve to attach elbow pads (but not the kind I have until I add something), a strap in the back to tighten the waist (which I need), and the long hem which would now protect my thighs until I lose weight and can wear the trousers.

I had my husband take a picture of me, and then I ran to look at myself in the bathroom mirror. My first impression of myself was that I liked like a squat football player.

Drat!

It wasn't that anything was wrong with the jacket. I could definitely use it for sword fighting, and I was still very excited about that. I just wasn’t going to look like a sleek Valkyrie while doing it.

Discouraged, I felt frustrated at how I could barely move my arms and head. I still needed to break it in and give the jacket a chance. Being in Texas, I wonder if I should have gotten vents put in the back. I've discovered I can't wear the jacket over a tank top because it rubs various areas raw. The sleeves are very wide in circumference which seems odd. Oh, well.

As I prepared to write this article, I scoured Pinterest, pondering whether I should cut off all the buttons and move them in two inches towards the center to make the coat more flattering. Since the fabric is specifically resistant to various kinds of piercing damage, I was not looking forward to the damage my fingers would likely endure in the attempt. I also pondered adding or taking away various elements, trying to make it look less bulky. 

One day, as my teenage son was finding my last sane nerve and destroying it with house rattling train sounds on our home organ, I wrestled all my gear on so I could take some pictures for this article. After failed attempts at timing the photos and getting my gloves on in time. I asked my son for help. He condescendingly agreed with his inarticulate all-purpose teenage grunt. I posed in the only clear spot in the house without piles of toys or half-done projects. Expressionlessly, my son snapped a few photos, handed me the phone, and then returned to his bombastic cacophony. I studied the photos and my jaw dropped. Was this an accident?

Whether or not my son is secretly a talented photographer or he just happened to do just the right thing at the right time, he did not seem the least bit pleased or surprised by the flattering angle or the angelic light streaming in from the window. 

It was just mom.

I was seeing myself through his eyes.

The fencing helmet had made me appear a little taller. The light made me seem a little thinner. The bulk of the jacket conveyed the strength and power of Xena. The sword in my hands had the flavor of Eowyn. Perhaps the jacket wasn't so bad or perhaps it didn't actually matter all that much. For my family, I was already that fabulously elegant sword fighter of my imagination, and the jacket fit. That was enough.